Fragile Things

Hey Katarina! Also... woot! You have an eevee!

Okay! I have an idea! So, this poem was really... vague. I don't know. I've read a couple of your poems and while they're kind of nice, they of always drift off from the metaphor to something really vague. For instance, this part:

Something that you can't quite grasp,
Something that you can't quite reach,
Something you can't quite understand.
Almost like a mystery.
Something that you can't quite see,
Something that's there anyway.

I mean, it's not bad... I like how it makes you try to think about what this missing something is.

But, the thing is that you prompt all these questions, yet you don't seem to answer them at all. There's no resolution. And, sometimes that's not bad. Sometimes there can be that lingering doubt and in fact, that can be a powerful thing. But, you need to set it up properly. Don't just prompt the questions and leave us. Go for the kill and make sure you twist the knife while you're at it. Make us wonder, and then twist our minds to a conclusion. It doesn't have to be a good or bad conclusion, and you don't have to be obvious -- like that last link I showed you, you can be very subtle about it. But you do need to resolve somehow.

See, what makes poetry so powerful is the conflict it holds. You only have a small amount of words you can use in a very strict format based on rhythm and rhyme. It's very restrictive! And, in this short space, you can really draw out a conflict to its breaking point. When Neruda writes about tomatoes, for instance, he uses words that hold power and conflict. He talks about murdering a tomato, and he uses this imagery to give you the image of tomato blood running through the streets. So there is a lot of conflict!

But there is always a certain resolution. In Robert Frost's poem, you'll notice that his resolution is when the woman goes out and the man calls out for her to come back--and you don't know what happens next, but it resolves with the woman taking her stand against her husband, despite everything. In Neruda's poem, you'll notice that the resolution is when he finally admits of the cool satisfaction tomatoes give. In John Mayer's song (the first link!) he resolves it by saying, "Why does everything I think I need/ Always run on batteries?" which concludes it with a wondering--and you don't know what happens with that, but you can guess that he is looking at his electronic habits with wonder, as if that is what is making him lonely. See, the great poets flip you and your ideas upside down, but when they leave you, they force you to embrace an idea that you would not normally embrace, and that is why poetry is so beautiful.

So, after you flip us upside down (which you have) don't be afraid to show us your point and smack us with it. It'll be sooo much more awesome!

Also, it's three o'clock and I am not sure how coherent this review is. If you have any questions, just bug me!

Hey there, Katarina. I'm here to review your poem. ^^

First off, I have no nit picks. Yup, none. It's really good and it flows well. Brilliant. I adore it. I like the first stanza, how you compare fragile things to butterfly wings. I like every line, in fact. *clicks like* I truly can’t find anything wrong with it.

Thank you for the beautiful poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!

~Scar.

All hearts can break,
And lost dreams fade.
Such fragile things,
Like butterfly wings. This stanaz is my favorite it was very sweet and beautiful!

So beautiful, so insecure,
So innocently sincere.
Like spider's lace,
And translucent rain. I really liked this imagery it was very poetic
So wavering,
Like dawn's sunrays,
And candle flames. Ditto

Something that you can't quite grasp,
Something that you can't quite reach,
Something you can't quite understand. This whole section to me seemed very repetitive and eventually it made me not want to keep reading which is something that you never want to have happened in any of your writing pieces
Almost like a mystery.
Something that you can't quite see,
Something that's there anyway.

I really liked this one. The part about the fragility of butterfly wings was really nice. I could really see that image in my head. The imagery was really good in this piece. The only thing I thought was a Bit much was the repeated questions, I think there was just one more than necessary. Other than that, its good as gold =]

I don't know if I'm using the right words, here, but this poem seemed very light, graceful, and airy to me. Simply beautiful. I loved it so much. I didn't see any errors, either. Please keep writing! You're excellent!

Hi! I absolutely loved this. The whole poem just breathed fragile. Your word choice was so impressive. Each word matched the message you were trying to give and that is just remarkable to me. It made me rethink every day things, such as the spider's web and give it more imagination and thought. I also agree with all the people above me with the last line didn't quite fit the flow of everything else, but I really loved the message you were trying to convey with the poem. It was one of those poems that you feel like you need to reread it and reread it to get the full message and actually listen to it with your full potential, and those poems are the ones that stick out.
I usually don't like it when the number of lines in stanzas change. It makes me lose the rhythm of the poem and it's kind of an OCD thing, for me, but your poem made it work and work well. I think you did an amazing job with this. But, there are some things you could add to it that would maybe draw the reader more into the piece, like maybe adding fragile emotions or going further with the dreams. I really liked the dream line. I hope to hear more from you!

This is beautiful! It sounded very flowery and delicate, just like what you were describing!
I loved all the description and ornate words, but I was a little thrown off because I couldn't quite catch the rhythm or rhyme of this piece, until the last part. Despite the fact that most of the problems I noticed were in that stanza, it was my favorite because of that nice flow.
One big thing that bothered me was the line "Something you can't quite understand." If you took out the word 'quite', that line would have the same amount of syllables as the others, and "Almost like a mystery" would have lined up perfectly with the other lines. (Hopefully I just made sense there.)
I also agree with some other people that the last line didn't really fit in with the others, mostly because it doesn't have any of the same style as the other lines and doesn't rhyme at all.

Despite the criticism, though, I really do love this poem. I hope you do more like it - I'll be watching!

Hey hey hey!
Wow, you are really good at poetry! This one was very beautiful and kind of sad at the same time. I loved the vivid descriptions, they painted such a wonderful mental image...mmm, mind-candy! The ending was slightly inconsistent with the rest of the poem but not half bad! Keep up the awesome work and I'll try to keep an eye out for when you post. If you want anything reviewed PM me. Have you tried any short fantasy novels? I think you might be awesome at them, just don't take the description overboard lol.
~Dakota Knight

Hi Katarina. I just want to say that this is a wonderful poem. The imagery is beautiful and so is the way you wrote this poem. Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, but I'm not sure what to tell what needs improvement. Great job and keep writing. I hope you share more of your writing with us
~Blue.

Hi! i really liked this first of all. it has a strange steady beat. but i was wondering about some things while i was reading it. First, did you mean to use ryhme? if you did, you should use it consitently throughout the whole thing. if it was just a coincidence, then that's ok, but it might be better to change it. just saying. Also, it was good how you broke the different topics into stanzas. but if you are going to do that you need to be more consistent. When you are in the stanzas that start with "something" you can't just throw in that "almost". i don't know. maybe you did it to make me pause and get caught off guard. if so. keep it. if not, change it to match the others. that's all i want to say. it was great word choice, just you need to be more consistent to get the flow. Thanks!
bye
-Cammie

This is really amazing! I love it and it describes everything with the perfect amount of details. Its something that can touch the heart.

Hello, Kat! Thanks for the feedback!
Right, down to business: this poem was 100% better than your first. You took all the advice the reviewers of 'cursed' extended on board and produced a very good, very emotional piece. I liked how you thought outside the box: it's not a spiders' web; it's spiders' lace. Very imaginative. It takes a simple sight of everyday life to a whole new level. Bravo! My only major critisism would be that your ending is blunt and unpolished. It's very abrupt and awkward, and either needs adding to or rewriting. Hope this helped!
~ Alia

May I have permission to say that this made me cry? Well, almost anyway, (it's been a long day.) This poem had a style of...hmm, airyness? Aloofness? Outerworldlyness? To it. I loved the use of the word "something."

Amazing poem.
RA