Aftermath

So, here I am again, and there you are again, with another awesome poem! They just keep getting better and better! How do you come up with such awesome poems?! Anyway, feel free to tell me to stop if my reviews are sounding duplicate and boring, but here it goes.

I'm disappearing, doomed to fade,
Like my tears hidden by the rain.
I've lost myself along the way,
Now all that's left is this cursed pain. [I really like the emotion coming from this]

My heart's a hollow, empty shell,
Echo forlornly when I tell,
That night, how far I really fell,
Down that dark, never-ending well. [I really like this stanza, it seems to tell a story all of its own, yet fits in perfectly, if you get what I mean.]

Well of sorrow, well of despair.
What hides behind that glassy stare?
Is there anything really there?
Does anybody even care?

I feel like I am breaking down,
My wracking sobs a silent sound.
My heart is heavy, chained and bound.
Feels like my life's coming unwound.

I don't know why I even try,
These broken wings will never fly.
Nobody hears my pain-filled cry,
As I watch my dreams slowly die.

What was it like so long before?
I don't remember anymore.
My eyes are red, my heart is sore,
A pitch black hole right through it's [This would be its. The one you used is 'it is'] core.

The sun sinks through a blood red sky.
There's so much hurt, I don't know why.
It used to shine so bright and high,
Now there's just an endless night. [Okay, so. This ending was just a bit blunt. I like it, it just seems a bit abrupt. I should probably tell you to try and change it, but I kinda like it the way it is. I don't know. It's up to you.]

Okay. I only have one little nitpick that I have to say quickly before I forget. Third stanza, last line. I think you need one more syllable to make it flow like the rest of them. Other than that, your flow was flawless. I really liked this piece. There was a lot of depth to it, and I like the overall theme of it, it has the dark ominous feeling to it but at the same time holds a lot of desperation. Well done =]

Hey. First of all, I really liked this. It was so precise and captured the agony you felt in every word. The words were well chosen to fit the topic and cause the mood. The rhyme was so good that I didn't even notice until halfway through! Which means it's very, very good! If I can notice a rhyme right away, then it doesn't flow in the way it should. I especially loved some parts. I liked the part where you said that you’re borkenwings would never fly. It was so sad, and comparing yourself to a bird, kind of, made you seem small and weak. Which made me have sympathy for you, which made the poem so so so so so sad. I loved the part where you said you couldn’t even remember being happy, because it’s true. I felt just that way when I was sad. But, later you say that you used to shine so high and bright. This doesn’t make sense if you can’t remember what it used to be like, how would you remember that you used to be so happy? I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too picky, but anyway. Capitilize doomed in the second stanza, and here are some parts I think just sound funny with the wording. You can choose to fix these up or not if you don’t want to.

“Down that dark, never-ending well”

Actually that’s the only one. Oh, and you used the wrong form of it’s or its in the fifth to last line. Easy mistake, but just thought I’d mention it.

So, this was really awesome, over all. I was totally absorbed in it from start to finish, and my reading pace just kept picking up faster and faster. Sorry, you’re pace was perfect. I meant I was so excited to read the next line that I found my racing through it. You’re a true poet. Keep writing!

Oh, and if you want you could review some of my poems! I’m on team yellow with you. Go Rockets! Also, hope this was helpful.
-Cammie



I'm disappearing,
Doomed to fade,
Like my tears hidden by the rain.
I've lost myself along the way,
Now all that's left is this cursed pain.
My heart's a hollow, empty shell,
Echo forlornly when I tell,
That night, how far I really fell,
Down that dark, never-ending well.
Well of sorrow, well of despair.
What hides behind that glassy stare?
Is there anything really there?
Does anybody even care?
I feel like I am breaking down,
My wracking sobs a silent sound.
My heart is heavy, chained and bound.
Feels like my life's coming unwound.
I don't know why I even try,
These broken wings will never fly.
Nobody hears my pain-filled cry,
As I watch my dreams slowly die.
What was it like so long before?
I don't remember anymore.
My eyes are red, my heart is sore,
A pitch black hole right through it's core.
The sun sinks through a blood red sky.
There's so much hurt, I don't know why.
It used to shine so bright and high,
Now there's just an endless night.

Hi there. This poem had an air of sorrow that I wasn't really expecting. I have read a couple of your other poems, and they lacked the emotion that could have been there. Aftermath packed a punch of emotion. It made me feel terrible for the writer and ask questions. I want to know what happened to create this despair. It was like I wanted to make the writer feel better, and tell them that everything will be alright. It was so depressing that I'm like proud for you. Your poetry really has improved as far as emotion and causing the reader to actually care what was going on.
But, I must say that your first stanza didn't really fit the whole poem. By the time I was finished reading it, I questioned why it was even there. It doesn't quite fit the rhyme scheme that the rest of the poem followed. I like the whole idea of the first stanza, but I think you could reword it or completely rephrase it to where it matches and adds to the poem.
Overall, this poem was awesome, and I really enjoyed it.
-Owl.

Wow, this poem has a gripping effect, it makes the reader feel the churning emotions of the writer, and the depth of feeling the author has held up inside. This is a great poem as far as I'm concerned, I don't read or write a lot of poetry, but your style is very captivating. I can't wait to read more of your work. Good luck, have fun, and keep writing!
~Zanna

This poem has given me inspiration. Thank you for that.