Published January 7, 2011
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137,626 Literary Works • 672,053 Reviews
Hello Kasidie. A very short and fairly effective poem. Perhaps you could expand this into something more bulky, and I'd really like to read it if longer.
Since it is very short (and I don't like writing short reviews!), I'll address the use of rhyming couplets. If we have use the sequence in your poem ABBCCDD, I think you would be better with ABBCDCD, if that makes sense. I feel it would add a bit more conclusion, and link the lines better than they are currently. Hope that makes sense to you!
Good poem, and please expand.
~Elder
(ps, I know the second and third lines don't rhyme, but you get what I mean.)
This was an amazing poem that just struck me with it's simplicity and beauty of harsh life. This is a work of art that is just great.I like the simplicity of this. Keep it up.
I liked this, short and sweet
Though i'd of liked to read a little more it was something that made me smile and a little detail if expanded would be good. Also I didnt think it completely flowed in its work.
However, it was lovely and shows emotion and I can relate to the feeling of it.