Published April 25, 2006
Majestic horses
Stampede if you come near
Beware-don’t come close.
Waving in the wind
Small green leaves are fluttering
The large tree stands tall.
Small, fragrant sweet peas
And the redolent blossoms
Springtime, here at last.
Quiet paw-steps there
Quickly pattering feet here
Yet I see no one.
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
If I do say so myself, haiku is my favorite brand of poetry, and I believe you've done them right here. However, I feel like in the very first haiku the second and third line is rather repetitive; in that, the first of the two is a warning in itself, is it not?
Other then that, and some of what others have already pointed out, I think you did a good job on these.
2-3 were fantastic, I especially liked 3.
Have you ever tried tonkas? They're sort of like haiku, a bit longer though.
On the middle line of 4 it seemed a bit like the 'here' was just there because it needed to fit with the pattern. For a first haiku these are brilliant though and I love the 2nd and 3rd in particular.
2-4 was an enjoyable read, nice meanings
They are quite good for your first try.
Yeah...
sorry about the mess-up on the 1st one.
But, thanks for all the compliments about my haikus, they were he first four I've ever written.
The first one isn't an haiku by rhythm patterns, and it's also a bit repetitive:
ok...that's good. there are horses
still good - they will stampede if you come near
um...common sense already figured that out for us...
I favored the second and third one. The fourth was a bit too formulated for me.
I enjoyed the 2nd through 4th haikus, but the first one struck me as odd. It was as if you were telling us something very obvious and I, personally, didn't draw anything meaningful from it. But the others--prima.
In the first haiku, it was 5-6-5 not 5-7-5
I liked this otherwise, I never really liked Haikus but these were an acception, but haikus are generally too short for me and they don't get the meaning across and such. I loved these otherwise... my favorite was the last one... I get that a lot walking in the woods...