Published February 18, 2009
What was I thinking when I entered Young Writers Society?
Hmmm, maybe someone would be nice,
Or even say something that would make my day.
Maybe show some pity,
Or even read what I wrote.
Ha, ha, ha, 
that’s only one stupid thought,
One stupid dream!
No one listens to the crap which comes out of my mouth.
Why would they even waste their time to read it?
I have no clue.
Well the chance is here,
go on take it,
Criticize me like every one else does.
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140,959 Literary Works • 673,783 Reviews
Personally I hate critiques that are too nice, though I tend to give them alot, how are you supposed to improve if no one tells you what to fix. No matter what it may be, or what part of my life, I've acctually begged people to give me harsh critism for some things, not yet on this website.
By the way nothing anyone says is crap, never think that. Everything you have to say is important. Unless you're hurting someone else of course.
Continue writting.
Hello and welcome.
I mean it is a characteristic of some poetry to be overflowing with emotions although at times the emotions aren't really all that deep. Anyway, sorry if I'm going around the bush here. All I can say is that I admire this for its raw honesty. Great job.
There were some errors on grammar and spelling I noticed but the other reviewers already pointed it out.XD
Honesty is a value that is sometimes difficult to find in poetry. I think this is because poetry is often exagerrated. Or sensationalized.
I'd love to read more of your works. PM me if you need anything.
-Knightly
(I have resolved to sign my name as Knightly from now on.)
Hey Karibbean Diva! Welcome to YWS!
*shakes hand* Nice to meet you! I'm June, and I'm glad you joined.
Generally, the people around here are pretty nice! I'm sure you'll instantly make bunches of friends. And! We love to read here, of course, so if you post something, it will most likely be reviewed.
Now! Let's get to work on this poem of yours!
(Also! Before I begin, let me just say, that I'm not trying to tear you apart by being so strict on rules here, I'm only pointing out somethings, okay dear?)
• Okay! You use the word "thinking" and having "ing" on the end implies that that was in the past, but! Then you use "enter", which implies that this is present or future tense. It's kind of confusing, and I believe you mean "entered".
• Also! The Y, W, and S in Young Writers Society should be capitalized
This place overflows with nice people
Okay! So, this part comes off as a bit confusing, dear. I'm not too sure why we need to show pity, and, then I'm not sure what you mean by wording your line as "that even read".
Did you mean stupid thought?
* *
So! Again, welcome to YWS!
Of course we're going to read your works you post here. It makes the place more exciting for us to read what everyone else writes.
Sure, you will receive some criticism, but, the majority of it will be constructive criticism, meaning that most of what we say will be to help you improve anything that needs improvement.
Don't be afraid to post what you write! We're open to anything and everything.
As for the poem, I like it. It's an honest poem, meaning that you've told your audience exactly how you felt when you came here-- good job.
I feel pretty guilty in critiquing this
Any questions or anything, feel free to PM me anytime.
Welcome aboard!
June
You only joined today?
Haha, I like this one, though I feel slightly guilty about giving a critique...
There's two issues though. You've posted three pieces of work in one day, that's going to put off a lot of people from reading your stuff.
Also, you need to post at least two reviews for every piece of work, so far you've posted two in total. That's a little unfair to other YWSers, so it would be nice if you could get some done.
I personally have found it refreshing that people are harsh, and I think you are taking what people say too personally really. I find the people here wonderful and freindly, but obviously you seem to think that we are all rude egomaniacs or something. The people here only want to help you, and if they have to be harsh, then they will, because otherwise something that could be better will never meet it's potential.
As a critique, I think it's brillient, very powerful and it gets the message across.
I wasn't sure what this meant, was though supposed to be thought? If it is, I'm not sure 'only' fits, it would sound better without. Or you could say 'only a stupid thought' instead.
Hello, karribeandiva.
Honestly, join the club. Every writer loves and criticizes their own work more than anyone else does. It's called egoism and the only thing we can do as aspiring authors is try. Try, try, try TRY. Keep writing, 'cos guess what? I doesn't get any easier. If you love to write then write, don't let any harsh criticism (or lack thereof) burst your bubble. You're doing great! Writing is never a stupid dream.
About the poem: It's "real"...it had a lot of emotion but in my opinion it was you venting on how unfair the world is. However, if this is your art, add a bit more feeling to it, give it life so that the reader can feel your ache. Because many people feel this way. Keep writing!