The Brethren ChildChapter 2
Keira woke as the sun rose, the great rays stabbing at her closed eyes from the open window. She sat up quickly, her eyes flashing open, scanning. Her pillows were strewn all across the room, her blankets twisted into knots. Sweat stained her sleep wear, leaving a damp imprint on the bed from where she’d layed. She hadn’t slept well. Last night kept coming back to her in her dreams; the Morden’s eyes, the darkness, it all sent shivers down her spine. Her heart, which should have been at rest, beat violently in her chest.
Standing, she walked over to the dresser near the door of her room. It was white, like everything else in the palace, and showed evidence of being whitewashed many times. She grasped the handle and pulled, opening the dresser and gazing into the mirror situated on the door. Her brown hair hung in tangled clumps around her head, rendering her all but unrecognizable to even herself. Her white t-shirt was stained with sweats spots from her neck down to her bellybutton. Her eyes were tinted a ugly red, revealing her weariness to all.
Grabbing a brush from the shelf inside the dresser, Keira attempted unsuccessfully to pull the knots from her hair. After a few moments, she gave up. She needed a shower. Grabbing a fresh set a clothes, a towel, and her shampoo, she sneaked out the door, hoping to avoid being confronted. She didn’t want anyone to see her looking like this. Especially…
Walking quickly on her toes, she made her way to the communal shower. As she rounded a corner, her nose planted hard into someone’s bright blue shirt.
“Whoa, watch it!” Colt yelled, surprised. Keira stepped back, her eyes glued to the floor as if that would help disguise her appearance. She knew it wouldn’t
“It looks like someone just woke up,” he joked in a sneering tone. Keira looked up, her eyes meeting his, the meekness within them being replaced by anger.
“Shut up. And get out of my way!”she spat, pushing past him and down the hall.
“Hey, I was only joking!”he yelled back as she quickened her pace. When she had rounded the corner, Keira sat down, covering her face with her hands in shame. Damn it!
***
Warren watched from the darkness of the sewer as a Morden and Werewolf fought. They tore themselves apart, the wolf’s mouth snapping at the Morden’s neck as the fire demon shot flames from his hands. The Morden bared its teeth, charging the beast
To Be Continued...
It's only 423 words.
Really not bad at all man, really good
Phil
Hey Kaaaaanen. Stella here!
I. NITPICKS
Um, laid, I think? Unless that's the American spelling.
What evidence? What if I, in later life, would like to know how to tell how many times something has been whitewashed?
Full stop at the end.
I know this was a Word-War, but maybe next time you can finish your sentence?
Alright.
II. GOOD MORNING!
Somebody wise on YWS once told me to reconsider joining a character as they wake up. It's an easily used ploy. You get to have them look in the mirror, think about their (often strange) dreams the night before, look to the day ahead.
But at the same time, we have to watch them get out of bed, choose what to wear, shower, brush their teeth, whatever they do in the mornings. Hardly riveting, is it?
Is there any way you can get around this? Try a different form. Perhaps you don't even have to join her as she wakes up, you can get into her head while she's in the shower or coming back from it and meeting Colt there? Just try something a little different. You might be surprised.
III. OVERALL
I go a bit thrown off by your sudden modern stuff, I thought this was set in the past, no? Again, a little curious about Warren's perspective, I assume it's actually going somewhere this time, and you're not just mentioning him so we don't forget him?
But overall, not bad at all
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x