This is an awesome poem. It flows really well which is something I struggle with and the images you use just fit together really well.
no critiques. just awesome.
Keep writing
Halycon
Red Jacket stalker
Her piercing, deep green eyes scorned my aura.
The questionable silence. Red passionate glance of etiquette.
The fire and sexual intention in the contrast of her hair against her body.
Melancholy is a disease for the shallow minded.
Limbo is uncharted territory. Procrastination keeps me sane.
The virgin’s head crowned above the town. She embraces her environment with a deconstructive impulse to belong in each moment.
The inconvenience in the existence of children-one day we’ll awake in this manner. I do notice that you’re noticing. Keep your eyes on mine as I rest my eyes on yours.
Nature, a fleeting electromagnetic spectrum of information.
The purest and most fruitful. She giggles. Or not.
Guitarist and Murderer
Oh Mr. Guitar man is there a reason for the strumming.
Who and or where are you without the drumming.
Aimless repetition, you play the chords to the soundtrack of my life.
I hear, you play the vision of me staring blankly into this knife.
Murder, Murder, Rush, Rush.
Tremolo, Vibrato, Strum, Strum.
End
Narrative, Narrative, Narrative and end. My life starts and ends. In-between there is a plot, a structure and end.
The climax is notable, the syntax incomparable and ends.
The visions, the lucidity, the almost predictable behaviour of this Cartesian plane can end.
The fact is that me, the character can only view me the character till the end. Looking on to this postmodern “attitude” of mine, I can’t wait until it ends.
I will then know myself, my heart, my love, a truth for a new beginning.
This is an awesome poem. It flows really well which is something I struggle with and the images you use just fit together really well.
no critiques. just awesome.
Keep writing
Halycon
I'm glad you liked it.
The inspiration is in the longing of fulfillment.
Embracing a void.
The perfect word to describe this was enchanting. It really was. You drew me in and the language was beautiful. I read it twice! What inspired yo to write this? I can't really criticise this poem it was beautifully written and you should keep up the good work!
KandjaKabamba wrote:Red Jacket stalker
Her piercing, deep green eyes scorned my aura.
The questionable silence. Red passionate glance of etiquette.
The fire and sexual intention in the contrast of her hair against her body.
Melancholy is a disease for the shallow minded.
Limbo is uncharted territory. Procrastination keeps me sane.
The virgin’s head crowned above the town. She embraces her environment with a deconstructive impulse to belong in each moment.
The inconvenience in the existence of children-one day we’ll awake in this manner. I do notice that you’re noticing. Keep your eyes on mine as I rest my eyes on yours.
Nature, a fleeting electromagnetic spectrum of information.
The purest and most fruitful. She giggles. Or not.
Guitarist and Murderer
Oh Mr. Guitar man is there a reason for the strumming.
Who and or where are you without the drumming.
Aimless repetition, you play the chords to the soundtrack of my life.
I hear, you play the vision of me staring blankly into this knife.
Murder, Murder, Rush, Rush.
Tremolo, Vibrato, Strum, Strum.
End
Narrative, Narrative, Narrative and end. My life starts and ends. In-between there is a plot, a structure and end.
The climax is notable, the syntax incomparable and ends.
The visions, the lucidity, the almost predictable behaviour of this Cartesian plane can end.
The fact is that me, the character can only view me the character till the end. Looking on to this postmodern “attitude” of mine, I can’t wait until it ends.
I will then know myself, my heart, my love, a truth for a new beginning.
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