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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there!
Okay, I didn't really find much mistakes as I only have one nitpick which I found near the end of the story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that word should be "among", since there are more than two souls.
That aside, I like how you convey the emotions here - the usage of the punctuation especially! The rather choppy feeling helps make me feel what the persona does, and as huda said, the writing is intense! One thing I want to ask though, Matthias is who exactly? I know that this is the other person the persona was talking about, but I'm curious why you decided to name the person at the end. It gives me the impression that Matthias is someone who the persona knew from long ago, or something of the sort.
Anyway, great job! I enjoyed this read. I'm sorry if the review is a little rusty. I haven't been reviewing works for quite a while now. Keep writing, Kanaya!
I played with lots of variations of the sentence you mentioned, and I just really liked having the repetition there. The word might be incorrectly used, but it just sounds better to me.
The way I write, I like to let the reader come to their own conclusions about what I'm going on about. Whilst I personally know who Matthias is, and his role in this short, I want the readers to have their own opinions on who he is, and what is going on, and why he was mentioned. I do think I've been a little bit vague in this one, though.
Thank you for your review <3
I see. I understand what you mean because I tend to do the same.
Personally, I was wondering if Matthias was the persona's son. It may seem weird to think of it that way, considering how the persona thought, but the idea that Matthias was there to stay made me think he was. It gave me the idea that her husband would pay more attention to their child and she'd miss the times that she was the apple of his eyes.
Hey, Huda here!
You've written it with such intensity that I felt this happening. Your words, your way of writing is intense. You've chosen to be simple but accurate, I like this policy. Even though it's simple but this doesn't lessens it's intensity. In the end again, it touched my heart. Keep writing!
Beautiful! It touched my heart and I love this. This is so good. In such short thing, you conveyed your feeling and made the heart feel it. It is awesome actually! The punctuation I must say, is accurate. I didn't find any spelling mistakes so this adds to the awesomeness.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm a crazy spelling/grammar checker, before I posted this I edited it about twenty times to make sure there were absolutely no errors. :')