The first poem was very cute made me laugh. I have no real crits for it.
The second poem, on the other hand, has a very irregular rhythm. Also, the rhyme felt very forced, as in you chose words that rhymed and forced the poem to use them. The only way to fix this is through practice.
The third poem also felt very forced. It wasn't as bad, though, since there was some repetition which gave the poem a definite rhythm, and you kept the syllable count about the same for each line.
Overall, your poems were very cute and humorous. I enjoyed them. You have issues with the same things in all of your poems; pay attention to these trouble spots and learn how to fix them. Being aware of them is just the first step to improving those areas.
As for the story, I didn't bother reading it because, quite frankly, it hurt to even look at it. Reformat it, please, with paragraphs.
Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220
Donate