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Google Q&A

by Kale

Hey, cool kids and katz, or how you call it nowadays? Yo dawg? WASSUP MAH HOMIE?

What evar.

I'm here to tell you all about this rad newold thing you've probably heard lots about but never used. It's called Google, and it is awesome incarnate, yo.

Q: So what the fudge is Google anyways?

A: It's only like the bestest of best things EVER, yo. It like finds things for you so you like don't have to like ask lameass questions on forums like all the time.

Q: "Fudge"? Really? And what do you mean lameass questions?

A: Kiddo, back in the good old days of the Young Internet Era, no one cussed. No one.

As for the lameass questions, they're so lame, they make my lame horse look like a Derby winner. Questions like "How do I X?" and "What is Y?" are like so lame, no one should be asking them, like, not when you have Google on your side.

Q: So how the fridge do I get Google on my side?

A: It's super easy, my main man. You just mosey on over to and go from there.

Q: That's it? Really?

A: Yeah, man. Super easy, like I said. Just type whatever you're looking to find in that handy text bar, and you're golden. Google always does you a solid. Always.

Q: So there's, like, no tricks or secrets to it?

A: Naw. There's features though, like the advanced search which helps you narrow down whatever it is your looking for. There's also shortcuts that you can type into the search bar so you don't have to go mucking about the advanced search interface every time you wanna find something.

Q: What kinda shortcuts?

A: There's three main kinds of shortcuts: quotation marks, minus sign, and plus sign.

Surrounding any text in "quotation marks" tells Google to find everything that contains those exact words in that exact order. Rad, isn't it. Not a question.

Putting a minus (-) sign in front of a word tells Google to weed out any results that have that word in them or as a keyword (though I suppose you kiddos would call them "tags").

Putting a plus sign (+) in front of a word tells Google to include any results that have that word in them or as a keyword. It's the opposite of the minus sign. Not rocket science, yo.

You can use all three of these shortcuts in one go to narrow your searches down a ton and make finding whatever it is you're looking for much faster and easier. You can even double up, so long as they aren't opposites. Because opposites negate, duh.

For example, your search string (which is what the text you type into the box is called if you didn't know) could look like this: "to be or not to be" -Hamlet -Shakespeare +movie

What that string'll do is give you results that contain the phrase "to be or not to be", exclude all references to Hamlet and Shakespeare, and include movies. To say it more simple-like, Google will find movies and only movies that use the phrase "to be or not to be" somewhere in their script. Cool, ain't it.

Not a question.

Q: So, I've got the shortcuts down. Now what?

A: Congrats, kiddo. You've just mastered the basics of Google-fu. But don't go getting all complacent. There's more. Lot's more.

Have some pretty pictures. I know you kiddos like pictures. Heck, even I like pictures. Pictures never get old. Except when they get dated, but that picture's still pretty in.

Q: Google-fu?

A: The art of using Google. A true master of Google-fu can find anything, even the most obscure items of information. They wield Google like a finely honed blade, excising only the most relevant and accurate information at will with nary a sweat or lapse in serenity.

Q: How can I become a master of Google-fu?

A: Learn well the shortcuts and the theory of keyword narrowing. The better you know your weapon, young grasshopper, the more skillfully you shall be able to wield it.

Q: Keyword narrowing? What?

A: That ain't strictly a Google-only thing, mah homie. Google it yourself, yo. You've got the know-how now, pow-wow. It's time to fly.

Q: Wait? You mean that's it?! You're not gonna tell us any more?

A: I ain't gonna Google for you.

Now scram! My 90s slang quota is done and good.

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163 Reviews

Points: 5016
Reviews: 163

Mon Aug 10, 2015 6:43 am
Mysticalxx wrote a review...

Haha! I can see you researched slang quite well, and usually slng annoys me (when people are speaking it, that is) this one amused me very much. You've done a good job explaining the features of Google and all that. And the last line is hilarious (at least to me :D) So, well done! I'm very fond of the humorous mature of your works. :)

Keep it up!


Kale says...

Well, I do have the benefit of actually remembering the 90s. I'm a bit more fuzzy on the 80s. Weird color combinations and big hair is all that I can recall.

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11 Reviews

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Reviews: 11

Sat Jun 13, 2015 9:33 pm
RockenMageSammy wrote a review...

Hey, Sammy here. I loved the slang, it added some humor into it although I had some trouble figuring out what you wanted to tell us. The Q and A was very interesting, I liked how you made the questions seem like someone was really talking to you. Honestly, I had no idea there was such thing as shortcuts (or Google-fu, I only know kung-fu) so thank-you for introducing me to that even though I'm still clueless on what to do. It was very interesting and funny, needs some improvement, but still, great job! :D

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14 Reviews

Points: 398
Reviews: 14

Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:45 pm
raevynstar wrote a review...

I loved the use of 90's slang. :D It did get a little tiresome at some points, but it was mostly great.
I also enjoyed the Q and A format. You don't see many good stories written in that way.
This was helpful, too, even if most of the information was basic. I wasn't entirely sure how to use the shortcuts, even though I knew they existed. So thank you for including that.
An enjoyable piece.
Maybe if you ever revise it (which isn't necessary, because it's good), cut down a bit on the slang. But keep most of it.

And continue to write!

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77 Reviews

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Reviews: 77

Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:18 pm
AdjiFlex says...

Ha. Well, this was a really interesting and humorous read.

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15 Reviews

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Reviews: 15

Thu Jun 11, 2015 4:20 pm
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JeffRWoodridge wrote a review...

Since you pulled this out of you're drafts and added it on here I suppose a review isn't all that needed, but I'll still tell you the ups and downs of it if it you wouldn't mind. Let's get one thing into the open first, I really loved it, I am fighting back the urge to write this review using 90s slang, ya dig? **** it! So as far as you're use of Jargon/Satire I'd say it not only fits in but really molds it together with transforming it from an otherwise far less-interesting Q&A. The portion on Shortcuts seems a bit long winded but it is one of the most important parts of the piece so no harm done there. Some of the parts did get a bit cheesy (which is good with satire purposes but does take the reader out a bit) but I did like the word Google-fu in describing the ability to wield Google like a "finely honed blade" (love that simile btw). Though this might be an older work of yours there could be some trimming around the edges to make it a more firm document, like the "have some pretty pictures" part was a bit irrelevant and there could be other things to replace it. But other then this small nit picking, this piece was great, I hope to see plenty more of your work in the Green Room too.

Kale says...

Thanks for the review. I'm always up for improving a piece, so thanks for all your feedback. I'm wondering what you found irrelevant about the pretty pictures part in particular, and what you think could replace it.

I'm glad you accepted the feedback, as far as the pretty pictures part, if you completely removed it the piece overall and the direction of the Q&A would not be changed, in the paragraph before A mentions Google-Fu, and the question below asked about Google-Fu, neglecting the pictures. You don't have to replace it, maybe move it somewhere near the beginning, or change the next question below it to regarding the pictures. Anyways, still a great work and I'm glad I could review it.

Kale says...

The picture linked in that section covers a lot of the more advanced commands and techniques required for a mastery of Google-fu. I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already because it's a lot more concise and clear than I could be.

Oh, that part makes a lot more sense now. I apologize, I should have thoroughly examined it before I counted it negatively.

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762 Reviews

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Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:50 am
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Lava says...

Yo, 'sup, Kuyll mah man? 8)

This one's good! I'd see it as one of the Tech&Humour weekend articles in the newspaper.
As for critique, well, the answer to the shortcuts question seemed a little long winded and distracting. I would've figured you'd slip in the somewhere.

Anyways! See you around!

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer