Published September 2, 2008
The merciless flow
once again brings on the ebb.
Kindles anew, that
brooding inner glow.
Lights a flame that's wan
over blurry visions fall.
Perturbs the wound, of
time eluding man
Seamless at it's core -
time dances by carelessly.
Laughs at our attempts
as we beg for more
With logic reversed
we waste time in dull remorse.
Grasping grains of sand
the wind has dispersed.
Runs through our fingers -
only then we realize,
the cruel consequence
of past that lingers
Easy to discern:
this truth is hard to follow.
Know I should move on
But never I learn
Such grim thoughts beset
me as well and when they do
I clasp them always
In pensive regret.
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In the last line I would've liked a stronger word than pensive, but all I could think of was Melancholy, without the "y" to fit the rhythm scheme. Suggestions for a replacement are very welcome.
/Give me your worst, Kakburken
EDITED: Added punctuation.
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141,475 Literary Works • 674,498 Reviews
You sue big words!
Well, more unusual than big really, which made this difficult for me to read, because I didn't really know what you were trying to say. Perhaps I'm just not your target audience, hehe. So yes, it was a little wordy, I suppose. You also seem to speak in fragments in places, and this: "Know I should move on/But never I learn" is kind of Yoda speak. 
Actually, on a second reading your vocabulary isn't as over my head as I at first thought, and I wonder how many people have beset and wan in their vocab - the first one, I have never heard before, this is not really a criticism, just something that made it more difficult for me to read the first time. Also, your rhyming scheme is a little unusual, the ABCA rather than ABCB or ABAB. I quite like that about this piece. And the last two stanzas are nice too - pensive sounds just fine to me.
Nice work! The rhyme was quite good and so was the choice of words.
Oh yes, just 1 thing...try adding punctuation. It makes a poem easier to read.
Other than that, good work!
Keep writing,
Thank you for your comment.
As for commas, you might be right. I actually didn't think of those little buggers at all. Perhaps they would make the poem easier to read.
firstly, this is really cool. The rhythm is consistent and therefore makes the poem easier to read and keep up with.
i would say that you may want to think about adding some commas in to break it down a little though. i don't think this would disrupt the rhythm either.
great work