Once upon a time, there was a girl
Whose only dream was to be normal
But when she was young, that dream was
Stripped away.
Now she looks longingly
At the other kids who had the life she wanted.
As she looks down at her hand
Covered in ink,
And watches as they slowly
smeared from teardrops
Teardrops…
She felt her life slowly melting away
Just as the ink was being washed away.
But she always picked back up the pen,
Tracing silently over the damage done
and every time she did this,
She smiled true.
Because she knew
that no matter how much damage was done,
She could always fill in the holes
caused by the teardrops.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
In this poem, you mention your hand is covered in ink, perhaps to indicate you've been making art, or perhaps all the pressure went right into the pen, which caused it to explode. Probably the first one. But the line, "Just as the ink was being washed away." That line is beautiful, so many tears were shed, so many that it cleaned your hand of the ink. This truely represents exactly how malencholy you were. Malencholy meaning sadness, I just like that word. "She smiled true." That's not normally excepted by the grammer puritans, but I except it. It's a pretty way to say her smile was genuine. Also I see it as a rebel against the grammer puritans, vivre pour toujours la résistance! Anyway, this was an absolutly wonderful poem, keep up the great work! Please do more.
Love it!!
Aw, nice. I like this because it is my life basically in a nutshell.
I loved this, like a lot. There are a couple places where the phrasing is a little awkward, but nothing too big.
"Yet at a young age she had that dream
Stripped away."
Maybe, instead of putting "Yet at a young age she had that dream", you could put "But when she was young, that dream was". It doesn't really change the meaning, it just makes the words flow better.
"But she always picked back up the pen,"
You could change this to "But she always picked the pen back up", unless "pen" is purposely supposed to be at the end of the phrase. Again, all it does is make the words flow easier.
In the second to last line, it would be best to take the word "in" out of the phrase, as long as it doesn't affect the rhythm of the piece.
I think that's it! Once again, these are just suggestions that might make your poem flow better. I did really like the idea behind it, though.
-MarianaChristena
HoI, thank you sooo much for the review! ^-^ I used the "in" in the second to last line because to me it sounds more like an art term when the "in" is in it... Like "filling in large areas with black ink." I know this might seem crazy, but to me it sounds more artsy.
I did take your advice with the third line, and it does sound much better like that, thanks!! 
Lovely poem
Thank youuu!
Your poem had a great rhythm, as well as flow, and delivered succesfully by the theme of pain. I found that the last line: "She could always fill in the holes caused by the teardrops." This was one of my most treasured lines. The ink, I assume is tattoos, or, perhaps drawing on her arms, or simply metaphorical. I don't know what but the vagueness of it does intrigue me so. I feel a sense of embarassment and sad acknowledgement(or at least that's what I picked up) from the last two lines. The first four lines: Once upon a time, there was a girl Whose only dream was to be normal Yet at a young age she had that dream Stripped away. Now this makes me wonder how and why her life got stripped away. Now I'm thinking, does she have a skin disease? Is there something wrong with her? Is she getting abused? Is she being forced to be a doctor? Or she just can't pursue her dreams? What stripped that away from her?
I do really enjoy your poem, because it makes me question things. Makes me try to figure out things by my own mind. It's quite great this way, so please keep the vagueness in your poem as it allows the mind to wander. These were just my feelings and thoughts.
Cheers!
I think this is very strong writing. I like it a lot. Very relatable.
I think this is very strong writing. I like it a lot. Very relatable.
Thank you! ^-^