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I am from

by KaiRyu


I am From

I am from three loops

Never ending and perfectly equal.

And where they come together,

There is me

Happy and content

In the center

Where they all come together.

I am from high up in the air

looking down to the valley below

with the wind whistling

through my hair.

Leaves flutter in the wind

catching them on every end.

I am from sparkling ocean waters

and the hot beach sand

where waves crash

along the shore.

While spicy chicken and crumbling bread,

sprinkle onto the ground below.

I am from Japanese music

and pages where I can go anywhere

black lines on a white paper

words and drawings filling up

those blank pages

in a Neverending Story.

I am from “a place so full of mystery.”

Where people fly on eagles wings.

Higher and higher above where

a warrior princess awaits.

Till you see the Enterprise,

huge surprise?

I am from a world of crazy

where people are not afraid

to show their true selves

and express their feelings for

one another.

-------------

Authors note: The Enterprise, The Neverending story and "A place so full of mystery" are quoted from Star Trek, The Neverending Story and the Gravity Falls theme song as written by Lizz Robinett


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27 Reviews


Points: 10
Reviews: 27

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Mon Dec 24, 2018 1:10 am
Luke14 wrote a review...



First thing I wanna say, Live long and prosper. Anyway, I love the theming of this poem. This idea of your inspirations influencing you, is just all too familar. And I like it. Everything you indulge yourself in, will have some kind of affect, one way or the other. That's something I can relate to, because all the show i've watched have inspired me, such as doctor who, and all of his empowering quotes. I also like the mention of thinks like "spicey chicken," or, "japanese music." These are a few of the things you love, and they are a part of you, and they make up your identity. I give this poem, a 10/10.




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1080 Reviews


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Fri Feb 10, 2017 10:58 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here for a review.

I'm not the hugest fan of doing these poems and I know you did this for class, so I may as well give it a shot. One of the first things that I noticed that happened to be a turn-off of the poem for me is the lack of stanzas or structure that you have here. A simple dash or "~" could divide up the stanzas and make it look much cleaner and neater.

Moving on from that, something that I found interesting about this is the wide and broad spectrum of what you can do with the 'I Am From' and yet you chose to do this. The main thing that I disliked about the poem was the lack of focus that you have here. You jump around from thing to thing and while that can be good in some places, I would like to see smoother transitioning.

I noticed that you put some of your favorite things in the poem, or at least what I assume to be due to the Author's Note at the bottom, and this is something that always gets on my nerves as a personal pet peeve. You don't have to change your poem or anything of that sort, but for some reason I've never liked references to other things in fiction itself because it feels like fiction-ception. I suggest letting the 'I am from' line sort of guide you throughout the poem and you can start out each stanza by saying that and that would help the poem have more focus in what it's trying to do.

I like the poem for what it is because it does tell about you and accomplishes where you are 'from', but it makes me wonder since I would've probably made the poem more emotion-based or sentimental. I would like to see you break this into different sections or stanzas and them to tackle each one to make it feel like it has a stronger structure and focus than it does now, and with doing this you'll be able to have more imagery that doesn't hop from thing to thing as much.

I hope I helped and have a great day! Keep writing.




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624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

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Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:11 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, KaiRyu! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be breaking this up into sections and reviewing them that way, so I hope you don't mind. To the review!

I am From

I am from three loops

Never ending and perfectly equal.

And where they come together,

There is me

Happy and content

In the center

Where they all come together.


This all seems to say the same thing, so I would suggest cutting it down for the sake of flow and appearance reasons. It got a little aggravating to see so much repetition that wasn't actually repeating. Like.. You're saying the same thing in different ways, I guess. The other thing is it doesn't make much sense? It could just be me. Anyway, onward.

I am from high up in the air

looking down to the valley below

with the wind whistling

through my hair.

Leaves flutter in the wind

catching them on every end.

I am from sparkling ocean waters

and the hot beach sand

where waves crash

along the shore.


I like the imagery here, but I don't like where it's headed, if that makes any sense. Like, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. You're describing where you're from- yet it seems like you're just describing the same thing. Your imagery is also a bit cliche, but that's to be expected from almost everything today xD. Anyway, onward.

While spicy chicken and crumbling bread,

sprinkle onto the ground below.

I am from Japanese music

and pages where I can go anywhere

black lines on a white paper

words and drawings filling up

those blank pages

in a Neverending Story.

I am from “a place so full of mystery.”

Where people fly on eagles wings.


I like the meaning behind these words, especially in what I'm guessing is anime and manga? I relate to those lines, as I spend my free time watching anime and writing. So props on the meaning, but I feel like the imagery isn't all there, and there's not emotional attachment to the lines. But that could just be me.

Anyway, overall I think this could use some work in imagery, and emotion. Fix it up, shape it, create something better. That's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron




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126 Reviews


Points: 344
Reviews: 126

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Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:44 pm
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Aleta says...



I had to write this thing for a project this year, these things are god awful.




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176 Reviews


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Tue Feb 07, 2017 11:50 am
sheyren says...



Oh! I wrote one of these a couple years ago! That was a fun project. Though I made mine when I was much younger, so it isn't half as good as this one.





Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn