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I Can't Breathe (Black Lives Matter)

by KahleneTenorio



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Points: 57
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Thu Jul 23, 2020 9:12 pm
thing2 wrote a review...



Hi! This was an amazing poem and it brought out intense emotions within me. The way people suffer discrimation for the color of their skin, gender, religion, etc. is horrible. Also I'm not sure what “We have no individuals rights” is referring to. Parts of your poem were confusing for me but your message was clear and I love how you repeated “Please, I can't breathe”




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36 Reviews


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Tue Jun 02, 2020 10:32 am
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mememimer wrote a review...



Great piece!

I think the world is hypocrite. They give us freedom to speak and express yet they take it away so easily. There's no good left in this world but we are still fighting. If we get the justice, does that mean that there's still hope left? Instead of supporting mankind, we are turning against each other. If treatment of people depends upon their skins, gender, class etc., then how can we not say that the world is unfair? The riot is a right of ever person that has been ill treated, discriminated and abused on any grounds. We cannot ignore this; we should not. We are privileged enough to at least spread awareness.
(I just cannot get the picture out of my head when he kept on saying "Mama".) If living and dying is a privilege that God gave us, then who are these people to take away what's not their to take? Its so disgusting!

Very well written. It brought out a lot of emotions, not only within me but everybody. Thank you for writing this.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I






I'm glad you agree, the way people are being treated is very wrong.



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44 Reviews


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Sat May 30, 2020 9:28 pm
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Lia5Giba says...



This is truly a good poem. I feel emotion seeping through every line. This is raw and realistic... thank you.






Thank you! Also, you're welcome ^-^



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38 Reviews


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Sat May 30, 2020 6:12 pm
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nanda wrote a review...



Wow! That's just so amazing!!!!
I must say this poetry of yours is a true reflection of what life is for blacks in this world.
It may appear as there is no more inequity in our society but ,as your poem says, it certainly is...we haven't yet been able to uproot it completely.
I am sad for those who suffer this discrimination regularly on grounds of sex, religion,caste and colour.
As for your poetry... It is fabulous. The way it projects this inequity and discrimination to be suffocating is absolutely true and wonderful!
Too good.. what else can I say.. I'm running short of words.
Fabulous!






Thanks, I'm glad you liked the poem! I am also glad that you disagree with what is happening with not only racial discrimination but gender, nationality, and more.



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Sat May 30, 2020 4:41 am
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yellow wrote a review...



hello, it's yellow!

one word: wow. this is extremely powerful. just to preface, this review will not be much because everything that you did here is astonishing, so please take everything i say with a grain of salt and know that they will be merely suggestions.

right of the bat, you have a very striking visual. i really do admire the fist in the back and it conveys the message of the poem. the poem itself really gives me the vibe of slam poetry. while there isn't a lot of vivid word imagery, you really use figurative language and amazing descriptors in every single line that back a punch every single time. it really makes your work stand out. the other big thing that you have is something very socially relevant. it's sad that this is such a socially relevant topic, but i think you touch on this in such an appropriate manner.

the one thing that i would suggest is not with the poem itself, but with the art. this looks an awful lot like a graphic that would go in a newspaper, which is great, but i think if you rendered the poem into a concrete poem to make the poem look like the fist, it would really stand out and be creative. what you have, though, is stunning nonetheless!

you did an amazing job touching on this and i commend you for broadcasting this message into your work. while the site seems like a great, accepting place, there have been a few instances that i have noticed where things can be rather political in a bad way. i really admire you for posting and i cannot wait to see more poetry from you!

-yellow






Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked the poem. I will also make sure to watch what I post, there will be some people who would disagree with me, so I won't go all political.
( Also, I tried to make my words into a fist, I failed horrible ;-;



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Sat May 30, 2020 3:52 am
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SofieR says...



Wow this was timely and necessary. Great way to take what's going on the world and turn it into art. Keep writing and keep working on your craft!






Thanks, I will!



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Fri May 29, 2020 11:53 pm
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AlanaT620 says...



This poem has so much emotion in it! It is so true, what happened to George Floyd was very unjust.






Thank you!



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Fri May 29, 2020 11:23 pm
Liberty says...



No clue if this is the same with others, but I can't see your poem :]






Oof
I'll try to fix it...





Can you see it now?



Liberty says...


Nope ;-;





Noooooooo, I wanted you to see it and give me feedback ;-;



Liberty says...


Can you see it? All I see is this a little blue piece of paper with green and white on it. I think it's supposed to be a scenery.





Yes, I can. I may have to edit the post. I wonder if other people can see it or they are all can't see it like you.





Can you see it now?



ShapeOfVoid says...


hi! i can see it! it's beautiful <3



Liberty says...


Ooh, yes, I can see it now!




For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn