Published June 21, 2008
Summer camp arrives
Stealing away those I love
Leaving me alone
With nothing to do
Except for summer camp
To finally end.
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Aw, that's sweet.
Yeah, I noticed the missing syllable too. No big deal.
Yes, the original haikus are supposed to use nature as metaphors for other things or something like that (wow it's been a long time since Lit class). But it doesn't really matter, it's your own personal expression. You could say that her use of the season of summer was a connection with nature.
yeah, I know haikus are supposedly supposed to 'connect with nature' but this IS an experiment, just to use a different form of poetry. But anyways, thanks for the review everyguy!
First of all, it is an okay poem, but I think you messed up the 5-7-5 syllable scheme in the second line of the second stanza. "Ex-cept for sum-mer camp" See? you had six, not seven.
Second of all, I thought haikus had to connect with nature. Summer camp is just kind've a wierd topic for one.
But, all in all, I think you did describe simply enough the feel of your friends going away to summer camp, so my opinion goes both ways. Keep writing!!!
thanks! yes, that's exactly what I meant jas.
This is nice and staright-forward. You handle the form well. In the second last line, did you mean "Except wait for summer camp".
Jas