They say dusk marks the rise of night,
but I think they sometimes forget
that dusk too marks the fall of daylight.
Our world made of atrocities;
the sky at dusk has different shades
orange and yellow and purple and blue.
This tapestry of colours above us laid
proves that not all stories are the same.
Women we safeguard from savage men,
yet it doesn't even cross the mind
that women too can be like, dusk,
a bruise upon the bright sky.
Like the murky night that devours the radiance of
day,
like dangling vines that suffocate the stark
tree,
or like the caw of the screeching crow
drowning the pigeon's coo for help.
The victimized men, they hide in fear
of the society, the society a grim gorge
forcing the morning glory to shield from darkness.
When like the waves they build up strength
to reach up for the shore, it denies them.
Pushing it back towards the subsiding sun
as the golden beams of hope abandon.
The pitch-black engulfs.
How can you dismiss their suffering?
Does their pain not matter?
Are they not stars that belong to the same sky?
Are they not droplets that make up the same ocean?
Do they not grow from the same soil?
Dusk marks the rise of the night
And i pray you do not forget
that dusk too marks the fall of daylight.
This is absolutely beautiful! I love how you personify the words to make the emotions of the message more noticeable, and I love the way you also described the place and moment in which it takes place. There aren't too many punctuation and grammar errors, but since it's a poem, they don't really make much of a difference. I tried to write a poem piece like that, and I have to say you did great! Other than that, I absolutely love it!
This a powerful poem about a serious topic. The author's opinions on the matter come out, strong, hard, and holding nothing back in terms of symbolism. Thank you for bringing this topic up; it is too often ignored in society.
The colors of dusk are a bruise on the sky in this poem. There is a constant use of metaphor throughout the entire work, and most of their meanings come out loud and clear.
Colors are a reoccurring theme, with common night symbolism standing for evil and day to stand for good. I would question why, therefore, the night sky is used in the rhetorical final verse to explain all humans as equal in value - the previously established association raises eyebrows.
While the work deals with violence, all violence is cloaked in metaphor. This could be seen as being similar to the way society deals with domestic abuse of men by women. Nice.
Some of the rhythm of the poem reads awkwardly. I would encourage the author to read it out loud to themselves, or maybe another.
The central words of the poem, the dusk-night-day metaphor, seems to be a rumination on evil or violence. 'Is there night without day?', I would ask of the author. Likewise, 'is there evil without good'? Why is dusk or twilight tied to a midway point between the metaphorical good and evil, when it is so clearly portrayed as negative?
Overall, the poem is beautifully written and quite, well, poetic in nature. I look forward to reading more of this author's work in the future.
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