My Season To Show You

I like the structure of how you wrote this and kept repeating "I'm saying though" but I think this could have better grammar. Other than that is really good and deep.

KYKYBHADD;

First of all welcome to YWS and congrats on posting your first piece. I'd like to start off with saying that you did make many grammatical mistakes, but since those were already pointed out a few times I'll turn my focus on the more important matter: your message.

As mentioned before, this poem does seem like it is meant for a younger crowd. The simplistic language gives that away, but this is YOUNG writer's society, haha. Any-who, what I got from your poem is that the narrator loves someone, but the someone acts or seems as though they are 'too good' for the narrator. The narrator questions their intentions and realizes they are done with being thought of as less than they truly are.

Excellent. Love the message, but not so much the execution. You show awesome creative potential here. Especially in the ending:
"Are you too perfect to give me a chance?
If so, all I know is that [I'm] tried."

I was very taken aback at your mature ending there - of course in a good way. But it also through off your poem a bit. I say if you just work on the technical side of writing you'll be amazing. But for now, practice, practice, practice! Write every chance you get and I know you'll be making wonderful poems soon.

Nothing is impossible c:

I'm Kay, and I'll be reviewing your poem today. O.K. Here are some general things that need fixing.

Grammar:
"I may not be perfect
but im one of a kind"
Capitalize the I in I'm here and add in the apostrophe. Also add a period at the end of kind.
"is my nails to long?"
Should be ARE my nails too long? Is needs to be changed to add and to needs to be too. This line is in the poem several times so change them all.
"or is it because im a good girl in school,"
Should be I'm. This isn't a text message, but poetry.
"its only a matter a time before im yours ,"
It's, it needs an apostrophe. It is a contraction for it is. Fix I'm, and spacing issue between the comma and yours.
"Are you too perfect , to give me a chance?"
Fix the spacing issue here as well.

Diction:
These are very basic words. Are they aimed for a much younger audience? I find that a thesaurus helps tremendously if you need help with this. I'm not saying use your entire vocabulary in one poem, but throwing in some more "complicated" words can help sometimes.

Flow:
"My back too in?"
"Is my butt too out?"
These are phrased really awkwardly. Change them around.
There are alot of phrases here that break up the poem.

Content:
O.K. So this is a pretty basic poem right now. The teenage angsty "Oh, am I good enough for someone?" attitude is clearly conveyed here. It's been employed a thousand times. Find a different way to say it. Use some imagery. This can be obtained through using metaphors and similes. When doing this though, be sure to stay away from generic cliche ones. "Your eyes shine like the stars/hair like gold."

Starting on poetry can be difficult and hard going at first. Don't take the reviews too harshly. Reviews and practice will improve this with time. When I first started, I found that it helped to look at good poems throughout YWS and not only read the poems, but the reviews as well to learn what to avoid when writing. If you need help with anything, message me. Keep writing and good luck!
~Kay

I absolutely love this poem, it's something that people can relate too. I only spotted misuse of some sentences. Do not forget capitalization! But anyway, I do think this poem is great, cute even. Keep on writing!

Okay so first I like to say, I so understand this and TOTS like it. But in the second stanza I don't see what being a good girl in school has to do with butt and nails. In the first stanza you have

Is my hair too long?
My back too in?
My skin too light? I may not be perfect
but I'm one of a kind

I Tots understand and I think you're trying to do the same thing int he second stanza, but its just not working all that well.

Oh and

I'm saying though
Is my butt too out?
Are my nails too long?
Is it because I'm a school girl,
I can only do what feels comfortable doing.

In the last stanza I don't think you need the part about giving up.

All I'm saying is
It's only a matter of time
Before I'm yours
Are you too perfect to give me a chance
If so, all I know is I tried

Oh and in the last line what is she tired off. Your title is My season to show you. Then maybe the last line should be

If so, all I knows is I'm trying to show you

See how it fits with your title and in the last stanza. See

All I'm saying is
Ir's only a matter of time
Before I'm yours
Are you too perfect to give me a chance
If so, all I know is I'm trying to show you

Or you can leave the you off the end and it'l still be good.

Okay I done, and I didn't mean to change like half your stuff. Hope I'm not too mean either.

~:D LOVER OF EMOTIONS ~