memories

This is such a sweet and moving piece -- I really like it. ^_^ My first impressions were only warm and fuzzy feelings inside. Teehee~ Well, of course, except for the sadness at the end, which made me wonder desperately at the rest of the story -- what the heck happened to this beautiful love?!

Anyways, I have a few comments, mostly about rhythm because I'm odd like that. o_O;

I remember when you told me you loved me,
and how I'd almost cried,
happy because I knew you meant it
and would always be by my side.

{Sorry, I just divided it up into the line breaks that I thought it was using to better illustrate my point.}

Unless you rush the last line a lot and blend the words together, it feels too long compared to its companion of 'and how I'd almost cried'. I think it would work better if you put a colon after 'it' and then said 'you'd be always by my side'. I inverted the words 'be' and 'always' because of meter, which I think also kind of messes up the version that you're currently using.

Oh, just to put some happy stuff in here, my favorite part is when you talk about the hugging contests! Haha, it's just so sweet and completely, purely happy. I love that part! ^_^

Which is why I can't let u go...
Why my heart won't let me move on...
I'm lost in the days/daze of our memories,
while you don't even remember me.

Hmmm, I guess first of all, the rhyme scheme kind of goes away here. I mean, sure, that can be used to draw attention to the message here, but it kind of throws me off. If that's what you're going for, then, by all means, keep it this way! However, you might want to consider changing that last line to rhyme, if at all possible. ^_^

Anyways, this is a really sweet work! Good job! Keep it up! ^_^

-Hannah-

This was a great poem. I loved the ending; it was extremely heartfelt. I'm reminded of Perfect World by Simple Plan. Coincidentally, I'm listening to it right now. So, great work with this again. I loved the vivid imagery here. Anyway, one small nitpick here.

Which is why I can't let you go...

Other than that and what Forever Threnody has mentioned above, there's nothing else I can spot. You write poetry beautifully. I can't say much else, since it looks great. Keep writing! I'll be looking out for more.

Very Nice! And Welcome to YWS by the way. I liked this poem a lot. It was very descriptive. Although the formatting was really off. I fixed it. I think that before it looked like prose. here's my corrections;

I remember how your hair flowed
with endless, brown waves,
and how we'd have a hugging contest on those cold winter days.

Just a small nitpick.

I remember when you told me you loved me,
and how I'd almost cried,
happy because I knew you meant it and would always be by my side.

This format works too, and it makes it look more like poetry than it did before. Before it looked like prose with a whole bunch of commas thrown in.

I have many memories of us,
it was how I loved to pass the time,
wondering when I'd see you again,
so I could hold your hand in mine.

See above comment.

Which is why I can't let u go...
Why my heart won't let me move on...
I'm lost in the days/daze of our memories,
while you don't even remember me.

See above comment.

Again, wonderful job. Just fix the formatting and you've got a wonderful piece of poetry.

Peace, Love, and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

P.S. Feel free to P.M. me with questions.