I was inside my school's lunchroom, I was running from something. ( I didn't know my teachers were vampires yet) Then, I started to put ingredements in a bowl and whipped them, to bake a cake for some reason. Also, I forgot (almost) I was on T.V, there was a video camrea man, a director and all those people. I was by my friend Brianna, she looked like a high-rank landy, with a suite and shirt on, and haad fangs. She was also making a cake, for no reason. Then, I went up the steps my the girl's bathroom, made a right, and went out to teh playground. There, I saw a crowd my kids (my classmates) around something--I didn't know at the time--then whatever they were crowding around was my fourth grade math teach. She showed her fangs and I started to run.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello KCunder!
First of all, may I suggest that you run your story through a spell check first? I saw a few typos and spelling mistakes.
With the story:
Um... okay, so you were running and then you were baking a cake. This plot movement seems very random and jolting. I know you said this is a dreams and dreams are often strange, but, if you were to write a story based on a dream for others to read, then you need to fill in the gaps, tell us what's happening and why. If you don't know why, then, make something up.
Also, I noticed this:
I don't see how this is exactly relevant information at the moment because you've never stated that your teacher were vampires, aside from the title,which really shouldn't much contribute to the plot of a story.
I'd change the order of the words around a bit and get rid of the brackets. Like this:
Also, where did the T.V crew come from? They just seemed to appear out of nowhere. You need to explain where they came from, or at the very least state that you were confused by their sudden appearance or something.
Okay, I couldn't figure out how the 'my' fits in. The first bit of this sentence is generally very confusing.
With this part, if you were to use the word 'then' then you'll have to change the sentence to something like:
But if you were to use was, you'd have to word it around like this:
You can't have both words in the sentence you're writing. It doesn't add up.
So, the things that are happening here seems strange and random with no explanation to back them up whatsoever. Once again, I know it's a dream, but if you were to turn a dream into a short story, then it needs to be plaussible. That's the main concern, I think.
Keep writing!
My teater are vapires? I found it pretty hard to be afraid. At first I thought you were making a mistake on purpose but the more I read, the more I started to realize differently. Several spelling mistakes but can easily be explained by simple typos from typing too fast. Happens to the best of us. Just make sure next time to read over your piece before you submit it. I really thought it quite wacky and with a little bit of help, you can make it into a really funny short story! I hope you do cuz I'll be the first to read it! Cool dream, and I would have one like that near Halloween too. lol