Earth back to Earth

Hi, Justlittleoleme!

So, first off, I really love this poem. The description is brilliant - it's sort of surreal and confusing. I like the way you have the metaphor with the wind being like a cat, and the fact that this thing is hurting the person. To me, none of this really makes any sense, but it's great because of that . My favourite part is this:

I grasped feebly at its howling voice
But grabbed nothing,
Scratched at the wind,
But scathed only my own soul,

It's pretty, but really *searches for the right word* dark at the same time.

On to the bad parts!

In the first stanza, you explain about all these things that you feel, like burning and licking, and then in the next stanza you go on to say that "I was left feeling numb, feeling nothing". The first time I read this it confused me. because if you're numb you're not going to be able to feel and describe all this burning and licking the wind is doing. I've read it over and realised that maybe you meant that maybe you /did/ feel all of that, and was left numb afterwards, but at first glance it doesn't seem like that.

"I could sense the empty place, see the life blood gushing through it"
What is this empty place? The line after that is wonderful, but it's ruined by the fact that I'm wondering what the place is, and that 'I could sense the empty place' reads a little awkwardly. Even if you didn't say what the place was, I think that something like 'I could sense the emptiness' would sound a lot better.

In the third stanza, you have five lines, whereas in all the other stanzas, you have just four D:. You need to stick to one amount.

You say 'but' twice in the fourth stanza, which abrupts the flow because they're only six words apart (reaally close XD). I'd suggest changing the second 'but' to 'and'.

Overall, I think this poem is amazing. The emotion is great, and the description is <3. With just a few changes it'd be even better.

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem

I love it. It flows so nicely. I don't feel like you had to force it to sound "right"

I love the discriptions, and the vocab, like feebly, scathed, and gritty. They not only add discription, but they make it sound better.

The last line, "Earth back to Earth..." it sounds confusing, almost contradictory, that is how I tend to end my poems, so I deffinatly like that part of it!

Over all, an amaizng poem!

The poem holds such beauty in description that it pulled me in perfectly. i loved it! The words fit in perfectly together and produce a flow, which makes the poem readable to readers. But the one tiny thing i have to point out is that at the beginning of the poem i couldn't see much punctuation then towards the end there was loads. I'm not too sure if that's to give effect to your poem or not, but it was off putting to the eyes. Besides that i think that it's a good poem and has a story behind it which i want to get to know more about.
Really enjoyed it!
-PotterGeek-