Published April 10, 2012
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,342 Literary Works • 674,357 Reviews
I think the whole thing being bolded/italicized kind of turned me off. It makes it look goofy.
At a lot of points it sounded like you were just rhyming for the sake of rhyming, or like you just took two words that rhyme and then put them into some sort of context. It threw the flow off, for one, and kind of dragged it out.
It's not really a bad poem, I kind of like the premise, and some of the lines were actually quite nice. Like,
"The night chill sinks in
Teens sneak out to do a sin"
I liked that.
Cheers,
satan