Hearts Most Desire

Water floods my soul
Pools lie in my sight
Forces beyond me
Hold back my cry for help.

My lips quivering
Not by coldness outside
But by coldness I feel inside
I need warmth again.

I want to feel you.
A hug from my hearts most desire
Please, I’m begging
Can I be worthy?

You say you can love
but can I believe?
Will I fall for your trap?
Like I did before?

I don’t want him.
Nor that other man.
All I want is my hearts most desire.
You and only you.

That won’t happen.
That can’t happen.
That will never happen.
That can’t ever happen.

The tsunami inside
Bursts through
Letting my emotions be harmed
Letting me sink farther.

I try to hide from my feelings
But you and I both know
That it’s visible that I only want you.
Why can’t I be worthy?

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
davantageous
Review

Great poem. I love the face that you did not make it rhyme, i like this type of poetry as well.


Water floods my soul
Pools lie in my sight
Forces beyond me
Hold back my cry for help.

My lips quivering
Not by coldness outside
But by coldness I feel inside
I need warmth again.

I felt as if i were you in this stanza, way to bring the reader into your writing.

I want to feel you.
A hug from my hearts most desire
Please, I’m begging
Can I be worthy?

You say you can love
but can I believe?
Will I fall for your trap?
Like I did before?

possibly make these two one giant stanza to emphasize the correlation.

I don’t want him.
Nor that other man.
All I want is my hearts most desire.
You and only you.

Damn what did he do to you? No, really. I love the imagery produced by the tone, especially in this stanza.

That won’t happen.
That can’t happen.
That will never happen.
That can’t ever happen.
Great repetition of things not happening. excellent usage of emphasizing a phrase.

The tsunami inside
Bursts through
Letting my emotions be harmed
Letting me sink farther.

Sounds more like a song than a poem the way it flows. LOVE IT. Deals with water a lot

Aside from all that, it was a really good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Following you from this poem on.

User avatar
kaylamarie004
Review

This is a good poem and I love the purpose you put to it. What I didn't like was that it wasn't a rhyming poem, yet you still didn't complete the sentence to a more clear meaning when you had an advantage to.

[quote][/quote]The tsunami insideBursts through
Letting my emotions be harmed
Letting me sink farther."

The last sentence to that stanze should have been reviewed an self-corrected. "Farther" should have been "further". Yes, its the same thing and means the same thing, but its more proper to use it correctly in a sentence, especially in writing poems/stories.

Aside from all that, it was a really good poem and I enjoyed reading it. I'd love to see more.



Oh, Brightlord Tumul! How unexpected it is to see you standing there! I didn't mean to insult your stupidity. Really, it's quite spectacular and worthy of much praise.
— Wit (The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson)