Published September 28, 2010
First shot at this kind of writing so yeah...
I don’t know what to do
Cause I’m out of my mind
I don’t know what to do with you.
I don’t know what to say, to you.
Cause you drive me insane,
Cause you drive me away,
Cause you drive me insane.
I don’t know what to do
When I’m around you.
Don’t know what to say
When you’re around
Cause I’m so in love with you
Cause I’m so in love with you
Cause you drive me insane,
Cause you drive me away,
Cause you drive me insane.
You may not know it just yet
But it’s comin’ your way
And I hope you feel the same way
I can feel you feelin’ me too
I just hope it’s right between me and you.
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
This poem is okay but I don't like the way things keep repeating through the poem, I just didn't get the impact that I think it should have had. It's not a bad poem, it's just not stand-out, in my opinion.
I agree with StoryWeaver. The way the lines repeat so many times doesn't do anything to contribute to the poem. I think this is more like song lyrics than a poem, and though the idea is clear, it doesn't really get past that. Instead of repeating the lines you have, I think you should add parts in between that make some sort of progression through the poem. That way, there's a deeper meaning and it sounds more poetic, too.
Good job and I hope I helped!
I don't like the way things keep repeating through the poem, it makes it lose its momentum and it never really struck a chord with me. I think you need to expand your emotion and ideas to make this reach out to the readers, and to give us something that's more unique. I just didn't get the impact that I think it should have had. It's not a bad poem, it's just not stand-out, in my opinion.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver