Published September 28, 2010
This is a first shot at this kind of writing so yeah...
I don’t know what to do
Cause I’m out of my mind
I don’t know what to do with you.
I don’t know what to say, to you.
Cause you drive me insane,
Cause you drive me away,
Cause you drive me insane.
I don’t know what to do
When I’m around you.
Don’t know what to say
When you’re around
Cause I’m so in love with you
Cause I’m so in love with you
Cause you drive me insane,
Cause you drive me away,
Cause you drive me insane.
You may not know it just yet
But it’s comin’ your way
And I hope you feel the same way
I can feel you feelin’ me too
I just hope it’s right between me and you.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Hey again Justis! Hope back again for a quick review!
. But who knows maybe with music behind it you could make it work on it's own!
So I didn't really like this one as much, it was really repetitive and didn't really have much to say. Also next time try writing a song about something completely different then love, try writing about something really obscure, and even if it doesn't turn out great, it's fun and great practice! Like I said before, you want to kind of veil some things. Metaphors and stuff always make a song more interesting then just saying stuff straight out. I did though like how this one had a sort of a chorus, it really makes them much more lyric like.
So maybe since this one is really just a lot of repeating itself over and over, maybe try combining the two songs? Add a few lines from this one, cutting out a bunch of the repetitive parts and putting some of it in the other one as a chorus?
Just a thought
Good luck with the lyric writing! Hope I helped a little!
~Hope
I really like the simplicity of your lyrics, they're innocent and expressive. You can gradually develop it as you grow and have new ideas, a good start.