The Cold
Quietly rising,
through your body.
Freezing your muscles,
numbing,
painful.
You’re powerless.
The feeling is
sickening,
but,
you’ve felt it before.
Waiting to lose
this never won battle,
between you
and
the cold.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Nice work!
I liked the poem.It was short and interesting.I liked the part about the constant battle with cold but when you think of cold you could add so much detail.The concept of cold can hold so many emotions and feelings.This is a good idea and holds a lot of potential so you could add a lot more to it.
Still I liked it and enjoyed this and your imagery and representation of cold was good.I really enjoyed it.
Looking forward to more from you.
... july4ruby ...
This is great
xxx
And it's all true and appropriate, too.
You don't go into great emotional detail about other "cold" things, whcih makes poems hard to read...
You stuck to it, and used descriptive words which I like
Cool little poem. Like the concept, execution's pretty good.
Normally, I love enjambment, but here it doesn't always seem to have a purpose; enjambment without a purpose seems silly if you look at it long enough. In particular, the issue I have is with the two single-word lines (second-to-last in each stanza) - they seem to stick out 'just because,' not for any real reason. If you could work those phrases a little differently, the poem would seem more mature/legit. ^^;
Also, lots and lots of end punctuation, especially in the beginning, really slowed it down in the beginning before suddenly getting back to normal - kind of like an engine in winter that refuses to start. Making that intentional would add some depth to this poem without being too bothersome or overt.
Overall, enjoyable read, can get even better with a few simple changes, keep writing!
*Bolded parts are favorite parts.
Very nice on this poem. I'm starting to really like your poetry on here for it's simplicity and yet it's sort of out-the-side approach to another common thing. This, for instance, is talking about the cold. It's experienced nearly everyday at this time of the year, yet it's still an odd sort of thing. The only problem I had with this was that you put commas in some places that didn't really need the pause and would read better without them. If you took some of them off, this would read perfectly. Keep writing poetry and I'll keep reading it!