z

Young Writers Society



Elora

by JustJasper


"You are dismissed. Go get cleaned up." Her commanding officer ordered her. Obediently she stood and with assistance made her way to the medical tent. The ointment they applied burned but Elora didn't care. She was unthinking unfeeling. A zombie.

She was moved to a cot and immediately fell asleep. Now she could no longer hide behind her zombie mask. Her subconscious easily found a way to torture her.

The signs were everywhere, fall was approaching quickly. The red leaves blew in the breeze catching themselves in Elora's hair. She closed her eyes and breathed in the morning.

"Move!" Someone shouted startling her.

She craned her neck and opened her eyes to see what was happening. A boy that looked close to her age came crashing into her at full speed. Quickly he rolled off of her and yelled an apology over his shoulder as he sped off. Elora picked herself up and followed him weaving around people and leaping over boxes from the market.

"What are you running from?" She asked when she caught up to the boy.

"I'm not running from something. I'm running to it!"

"Alright what are you running to?" She asked again.

"Adventure!" He whooped.

"Can I come too?" Elora asked hopefully.

"Of course" the boy said with a wink.

Together they raced into the forest and ran until their lungs burned and their legs ached.

Elora sat on the forest floor trying to catch her breath. The boy walked in a circle trying to calm his beating heart. Both children let out airy giggles whenever they made eye contact.

"What's your name?" Elora panted.

"Arthur" he answered.

"I'm Elora" she said standing.

"Well Elora," he replied "are you ready for an adventure?"

She smiled and grabbed his hand racing once more toward the world ahead of them.

-------

"What have you got there Elora?" Arthur whispered in her ear.

"I found him on the ground in the woods." She said referring to the baby bird asleep in her arms.

"What a charming mother you are," Arthur teased.

"Come on Arthur! You know I don't want a traditional life."

"Ah yes I remember. You want to join the army instead of get married. You are just 17 are you sure?"

"More sure than the rising sun."

"Then I guess I will just have to come with you" Arthur cried triumphantly.

Elora shot him a glare.

"You'd be crazy to think I would let you have all the fun without me!" Arthur grinned.

------

"It's just a couple robbers how hard can it be" Arthur laughed.

"Be careful you aren't so loud when we find them" Elora reprimanded him.

"Yes ma'am" he said saluting her.

They were walking through a lush green forest as the sun went down casting a golden glow over the leaves. Light glinted off Elora's dagger, grinning she used this to shine light into Arthur's eyes. Giggling as he squinted she sheathed her dagger again. He ran his hand through his deep red hair and smiled as he reprimanded her.

"You are supposed to be leading us not distracting us" he said feigning anger.

Taking out his own dagger he carefully repeated her trick.

"Hey!" Elora laughed.

She nudged him in the arm and walked over to the hooded figure who had led them here.

"How much farther?" She asked matter of factly.

The man didn't answer he just continued to walk.

"How much farther?" Elora asked again letting a little irritation slip into her voice.

This time the man stopped walking. "Not much farther now" he replied. Elora raised her arm to halt her troops. As she lowered her arm the hooded man grabbed her and held a knife to her throat. She reacted immediately by grabbing the hand holding his knife and breaking his wrist. He relaxed enough for her to squirm out of his grip. She yelled and tried to run but an arrow stuck into her leg sending blinding pain through her body. She stumbled and dropped to the ground in a heap.

She heard Arthur scream her name as the figure pulled her up by her hair and once again place a knife to her neck. Grimacing she desperately thought of a way to escape.

"Drop your weapons or she dies!" The man threatened.

Elora stared in horror as all of her soldier obeyed his command.

"Give her back!" Arthur yelled forcefully.

In one fluid motion the man holding Elora threw her into the woods to the right of the trail. She hit the ground hard and tried to scramble to her feet nearly passing out from the pain. Suddenly she was frozen. She could only watch in terror as her men dropped like flies.

------

Elora woke up screaming. Slowly she rocked herself wishing it had only been a dream. 


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117 Reviews


Points: 481
Reviews: 117

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Sun Nov 06, 2016 4:32 am
Featherstone wrote a review...



I really like the beginning, how you just leap in. This story is very interesting and it is easy to understand what the character feels like. However, I do think that it would make it a bit more fluid if you utilized commas more. For instance, "'You are supposed to be leading us[,] not distracting us.'" or using periods in more places to break up the sentence: "It's just a couple of robbers[.] [H]ow hard can it be[?]'" Other than that, I enjoyed this story. Keep writing! :-D




JustJasper says...


Thank you!



User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 23
Reviews: 26

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Tue Nov 01, 2016 1:24 am
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Mooilky wrote a review...



Interesting! I got goosebumps. The writing is quite fluid and I really enjoyed your use of flashback. I did get a little confused when you transitioned from the dream to the flashback and I wonder if perhaps it would be easier to just say that the dream shifted into the flashback? So instead of a line across the page it's just a couple words as a transition. I think it might be smoother and have easier readability that way. It's just a thought. :) Overall I love this story and I'm impressed with how easily I became attached to the characters!




JustJasper says...


Thanks for the review!




Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson