Hey! I am here to review your chapter!


I like all the detail about the character! I love the bit about the stars on the ceiling, I used to love them. I don't see any spelling mistakes, which is my thing , if I see a spelling mistake I get "Cranky". Maybe if you added more comma's in places, it would be easier to read.
Just one thing, if you added more things to make it a bit more exciting, so you don't bore the read. Other than that great story and I hope to see more stories from you! Great work dude!

Hi there JustGlitter! Niteowl here to review this chapter.

What I like about this are the details about the character herself. I can relate to some of them, such as the stars on the ceiling (I used to have some on my childhood bedroom) and the writing poetry that I thought was much better than it really was (for the record, it's not a great poem, but I'll refrain from critiquing it since it seems like it fits the character's voice). I do think you do a good job of showing details about your main character.

However, this doesn't feel like a very substantial chapter. Nothing really happens, making it difficult to hook the reader and keep them reading. I would start a story with something happening. Even if you don't want to introduce the main conflict right away, action is going to be a stronger hook than a character's inner thoughts. As things happen, your readers are going to care more about the character's inner thoughts than if you just start with that.

Next comment--I would ditch or relocate the quotes. The use of epigrams can be really interesting, but right now they seem to have absolutely no relation to the story. The poem is more interesting since it reveals the character's emotions, but I'm not sure it's the strongest way to open.

Overall, there's a lot of detailed information about the character presented well, but I would like to see a stronger hook and plot development. Keep writing!

Hey, Catalyst here for a review!
Alright, so this was quite a nice introductory piece, I love a lot of the description, and I'm getting a great sense of character.
Most of the errors with this piece are grammatical, and while that's not really my forte, I'll do my best!

A lot of your sentences would really benefit from being split up. Another issue is that you tend to repeat yourself a lot. It feels like you didn't look over your writing much, and as a result we're left with a work that has us pausing and stopping and grinding to a halt. Here's an example or two-

"
I open my eyes slowly and face my clock 7:30 the face of the digital clock stared back at me.
"
See how you use "face of the clock" twice? It impacted my enjoyment of the piece a lot, because I had to stop for a moment to look over it, and then wonder, and then pick up my broken immersion. On the subject though, your very good at building immersion! So just look over your sentences in future, it'll help a lot!

Ok, there are many other little areas where you totally neglected punctuation, but I'm sure others will point that out. Instead, let's dive into the real content!

This started off with an interesting poem, which immediately digs in the hooks and gets me wondering about this character, who seems to have a secret. Overall, I think the poem could have been better with a little more refinement and attention, but it's quite good other than that.
I loved the description that followed, it flows nicely, it tells us a lot about the character, all and all, a great paragraph.
After another short piece of poem, we get more description, which is humorous, fun and again, tells us even more about the character! We get a remarkable amount in so little, which is probably the pieces greatest strength.
All in all, this piece was intriguing and fantastically composed, despite the grammatical errors that plague it. I'm really excited to read on, so please let me know when the nest chapter comes out!

Hi I'm here to give you a review.

To start off, I would love to say that I really liked this, its simple but well explained and intriguing. I would love to read the second chapter!

The two poems themselves are great (also got super happy and excited when I saw the Panic! At The Disco reference) and the first two sentences in the first paragraph are great, they really managed to set the scene and the feel of the entire chapter. However, there where instances where I felt as if more imagery and description was needed just to make it more real and clearer for the reader. For example, when you talked about closing the book, you should have mentioned the feel of the leather, or the texture of the paper. This is called show not tell! The way you structured the paragraph seemed more like points rather than a fluent, cohesive piece.

I also found a little mistake, you forgot to add an 'and' between bed and the stars.
The ending of the second stanza really opened up the story, its a good hook as it is the right amount of vague

Overall, I really liked it and I look forward for more.

~RS