Published March 13, 2010
Author's Note: Life.
“Because. I’m tired of being used like a toy. Thrown away when not needed but as quickly as that picked up, asked to do a favor.” She said, her eyeliner smearing as a trail of tears flowed down her face.
She then shut the door behind her, her now dried tears leaving a cold trail of truth.
A few minutes later her mother’s voice could be heard.
“Honey? Come in here please.”
She obeyed and sat down, her head rested against her mother’s stomach.
“I don’t want to force you. But, do you not want me to have a happy life?”
“I do mom. I do! Of course I do. But, why can’t he sacrifice? Why do I always have to?” A question. A simple question erupted everything.
“Why the hell are you so selfish?” She screamed, the first signs of rage entering her eyes.
“You call me selfish? Ha, look at yourself.”
The girl’s tears emerged again, but she managed to hide her face through a curtain of her hair.
“Why were you even born? A burden. That’s all you are.”
Her eyes became misty as the harsh words felt like a slap across the face.
“If you really want your life to be good, go live with someone else. See if one of your friend’s families will adopt you. Go to a foster care. Just leave my life alone. I don’t need you.”
This one felt like a punch, in the stomach.
“And if you do, you’ll be dead to me. Don’t ever look back, ever. Also don’t try to hurt yourself, kill yourself. It’s pointless.”
She was still quiet.
“Go see if I care.”
This one was a stab, twist, and then? She was dead.
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Hey there Just Dance!
This is a very nasty, sombre kind of lifestyle and I hope you feel better soon.
Anyway, in terms of writing, I like how you've constructed the stmosphere through the dialogue and quickly crafted an implied personality about it. This is the way we get these feelings so strong. I would point out a simple dialogue grammar error on your first one where you ." She said and you'll need to replace the full stop with a comma. Apart from that this was well-structured and flowed really well. I found it a little poetic at times as well, so there's a good showing of emotive language.
Keep up the good writing,
Ben
Hi, this was good, but I don't really get who 'he' is, and the whole 'sacrifice' thing. The dialogue get's a bit mixed up in the middle, for me at least, and not to sound harsh or anything, but the mc seems a little...pathetic. Sorry >< Other then that, it was actually a pretty interesting story. And I loved the title ^^ It went very well with the rest of the story.
Harsh. Very Harsh. How can people be so cruel? I honestly don't understand it sometimes. But that's what life is like sometimes-just one slap to the face after the other... *hugs* Cheer up. I'm sure life will get better sometime.