Young Writers Society

Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

I really find this poem effective! It has a slight 'yandere' theme to it, which I also love. Although, I must say, it's pretty disturbing to say you see someone in your shoes, some people may even consider that an insult! Moving on, I think you could have made this a bit longer to elaborate on the narrator's feelings, that way you'd get the reader more into the story and make them empathise with the character more. Other than that, I really don't know what you could improve on apart from making it longer. It's awesome anyway! Maybe you could even turn this into a short story? I'd love to see something like that unfold!

Overall, a very, very awesome piece of poetry! You could make it even more awesome by adding more depth to the narrator's love for the person they're talking about.
I hope my review helped!

Ayooo, Aleta here for a brief review on your cool poem.

This gives me the impression of a girl falling hard for someone. She is crushing badly so much so that's she almost obsessed, perhaps even a little bit of stalker-ish. You did well taking this theme through your poem as it's something you pretty much automatically pick up when you start to read it. It's simple this way. I wouldn't change it if I were you. Unfortunately there really isn't anything I can critique you on so it's more of just praising than anything. It also kind of reminded me of "Do Not Stand at my Grave And Weep"(I think that's what it is called) for some reason. I think it was becuase of how the speaker was talking about how they saw their crush in everything.
I'm sure seeing the girl at his locker was a devastating blow. I think there's an underlying type of stalker theme here, almost kind of creepy in a way. I like that.

Cheers!

Hi. This is Kman134. I'm here to review your work.

This was a very good poem. it is very emotional and romantic. it is hard to forget someone. they are always on your mind and they won't stop haunting you. you hope the person you love will leave their significant other. so, that they can be with you, but sometimes that isn't always the case.

my favorite part was this:

"I see you in my room, my car, my shoes,

I see you but you are never there.

You are at her locker, not mine."

This remind me of that Taylor Swift song, "You Belong to Me" where the nerdy girl hopes that the boy she loves would leave the bitch of a girlfriend and be with the one who truly loves him.

Anyways, this was a very good poem. I hope to read more of your work.

Legacy here for a review.

I love the content of this poem; I don't think I have ever seen someone write about a crush rivalry in such a way. You have nice imagery for what the poem is about. It might be a good idea to go more into the little things about the person that makes them desirable.

I would also recommend adding a stanza break after "I see you but you are never there." as that is when you start talking about a slightly different part of the person.

Overall, this is a nice poem that is almost a final draft in my opinion (after some slight edits). Legacy.