Young Writers Society

Hi there, nit-picks first:

Those seas are only were they end.

It's part of it of course

Hey there Kat here to review!

I loved the general concept behind your poem and the shortness of it. The ever present metaphor between water and a person, though cliche, was very well executed. It's not often one finds such a quaint extended metaphor. However I did notice a few issues with grammar and meter here as well as rhyme so I'll try to point those out for you.

"Those seas are only were they end." this should be where

"It part of it of course," this line didn't make sense to me, maybe you meant "it's a part of it"? either way it's still kind of wonky.

Your rhyme scheme is A/A/B/A/C/D/E/F/G/H/I/H
The intermingling of rhyme in here in no particular scheme REALLY distracted me so I would suggest you piece a rhythm to go with. It'll help it flow. It's a really simple fix for example if I wanted lines 6 and 8 to rhyme I would change the word "turns" to "bends". It means the same thing, is a slightly more precise word, and rhymes with end.

I think you have wonderful potential as a writer because you ideas and thoughtfulness are in the right place and you seem to know what steps to take to improve your writing, you're here after all. I hope I wasn't too harsh and don't sweat the title, not every great work needs a fancy title, there are plenty of famous poets who simply number their poems and that's all we have. Your work speaks for itself.

I'd like to point out that you started off ridiculously strong. Just go ahead and read your first four lines. It flows, t rhymes, the meter and rhythm is there. You have an accusatory and defiant tone that also gives way to possible introspection and emotional turbulence later in the poem. Your only issue is continuing this strong start through the whole piece and that's something I find incredibly difficult myself. I always seem to have the first couple of stanzas for a masterpiece but never know how to tie them together. It's tempting to try and rush though it but the bets thing is to come back later with a fresh ind or mull it over for awhile.

A general tip for a young and promising poet as yourself is write. Write all the time about everything and anything. You are going to produce total garbage and that's okay! You have to expel the bad to find the good and move forwards. Another important part is read. Read anything and everything, expand your vocabulary and your understanding of the sheer complexity of the written word and you'll go places with your works you've never thought possible.

This poem for you isn't just a random work without a real title, it's a window into the wonderful creativeness you posses and that's what I love about it. It's unique and captivating, you just have to continue to refine your basic skills.

Keep it up, you're really great!
Kat
Probably the longest review I have done in awhile...