If all the trivialities in the world were added up, they would outnumber the stars;
indifferent and solitary, observed as a congregation of unimportance.
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139,666 Literary Works • 672,646 Reviews
Hey there Junebug!
Haven't read anything from you in a while!
I rather liked this. I felt that it was the perfect length and though I usually like the more traditional format i.e. stanzas, I thought that it worked with this and oh how I love poems that don't rhyme! They mean so much more because they're composed of thoughts, rather than meter and other poetic rules.
This is beautiful.
Keep writing,
~Angel
P.S. gold star
This piece is absolutely brilliant. I'm giving this one a star. I really enjoyed how you turned such a simple personally reflective concept into this amazing piece of art. I particularly like how you used the concept of a solitary collective. To me, that was sheer brilliance, especially considering that you are talking about the trivialities in the world--how it's infinitely abundant and utterly useless.
An indifferent infinite collective.
Bravo.
-Tyler
hahaha, awesome junebug
it was very....simplistically complex.
Though the peice was very...very short it still put forth some very thoughtful feel.
I loved it.
Great Vocabulary in such a small space btw ^_^
Starfall.
Exe's and Oh's Eraqio.
I don't quite get the connection of the solitary, but maybe if you meant each of both objects then maybe the individuality of that something is indifferent and solitary than the rest.
...I don't make sense, do I?
But it's all good.
-threm.
Holly has arrived with a lovely 50-pointer review on your lovely two-lined poem! I shall begin with the nitpicks.
Though I think this is a good comparison, I find it rather cliched. Overdone. There are too many things "outnumbered by the stars" in literature these days. I might suggest finding another thing to describe just how many trivialities there are in the world, if you possibly can.
This makes no sense to me. First, you begin to say that there are so many trivialities in the world that they are even more than the stars, which is a huge number. But then, on the second line, you go on to say that it's solitary. Which sounds to me like it's just one triviality, not more than the stars. So, however sophisticated it may sound, I think you may want to reconsider your word choice here.
That's really all I have to point out. Now onto the juicy stuff.
I think you really pulled of a great poem in such a short amount of words. Honestly. I don't think I could have ever done better. You have a smart way with words; your sentence is very elegant and sophisticated, strung together nicely. It makes the poem seem... whole, like you're not missing out on any imagery or description. Like it's all there. However--and I know this is impossible--it may have been nice to have a little bit more to chew on here. To me, this is kind of like a morsel of something good: it's still as delicious as it could ever be, but it's not quite as much as one would like. Even so, I still believe you pulled it off wonderfully.
Bet you didn't think I could do it, huh?
-Holly
xD
nothing wrong with it except for the big words that I don't understand.