Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
NOTE: I've gotten into one college (so far) with this essay. Hopefully more. Knock on wood.
When asked my favourite colour, people are disappointed with my go-to answer: I don’t know. My family and friends hear similar responses to hundreds of questions. On social media, my bio states that I am “a human being on planet Earth”, as parts of myself have never been definable.
What I have always known is, geographically, ethnically, and physically, I was born without barriers many people around the world face. People call my hometown a bubble, isolated into a perfect world where safety can easily become ignorance. To counteract this I always proclaimed I wanted to help people.
What I didn’t realize until high school was one disadvantage I was born with. As a girl, I face struggles left behind from centuries of patriarchal society. So when I learned the meaning of the word feminism, I knew I had to believe in it, but as a freshman in an American high school, I was protected. I was interested in equal pay and education for girls in developing countries, but I didn’t face those issues on a daily basis, leaving me feeling separate.
That year, my English teacher assigned a paper on whether we considered catcalling to be sexual harassment. After a debate in class, I was certain. Starting my paper with “The catcalling of a person, no matter the gender of the recipient or the perpetrator, is a form of sexual harassment” and ending with “Sexual harassment is unacceptable even in minor cases because any person should feel safe where they are, no matter how they look or want to dress.” Still, I felt separated because, although I had seen and been under the subjugation of catcalling, it felt minor.
Within the next few months, my clear cut understanding of these issues and my separation suddenly disappeared. Only months before the #MeToo movement, I found myself a victim of sexual assault. A part of me knew help was out there, but there was also the ever-growing pile of issues. Suddenly days became hopeless and my dreams of helping others were so overwhelmed that I started to forget who I was.
When people discuss recovery from an injury or event, the words “back to normal” commonly come up. The part they miss is that much of the time normal has been reset. Trying to go back to who I was before didn’t help me; instead, it fueled my problems by encouraging denial. So I changed, and more importantly, even though bad things happened, I’m a stronger person now because I’m happy with myself.
As I learnt to heal and discovered this new me, I still hit bumps: one’s created entirely by the world around me. I’ve studied many movements for equality, but I see people remember these movements as the end, that the goal has been reached, and it’s time to move forward. That’s false. Slavery within the US ended in the 1860s, but the civil rights movement wasn’t for another century. This begs the question: if there are still problems, isn’t there a point where enough is enough?
I see my story as proof that we should never give up. Equal protection of all from sexual offences hasn’t been perfected, and it may never be, but we can improve. Over the past few years, I have seen advances, but I have also seen weaknesses remain, weaknesses I want to help solve.
When asked my favourite colour I tell people I don’t know, but not because I’m afraid to pick one. It's ok that I’m not certain, and it's ok if I don’t know tomorrow or next year, that’s me. I do know what is important. I want to solve problems, even when people give up on them. I’m not perfect. The world isn’t perfect, but improvements can be made. It's worth the time and energy to make them because even if perfect isn’t possible, happiness is.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey!
To counteract this I always proclaimed I wanted to help people: perhaps go more in-depth as to why you want exactly to help people or what moment instigated you to.
"one disadvantage I was born with. As a girl,"perhaps explain in that first sentence what was that disadvantage. "I was born with: being of the female gender.." or something along those lines.
"for girls in developing countries, but I didn’t face those issues on a daily basis, leaving me feeling separate" I honestly think this sounds a bit like you wanted to face those hardships because you felt "separated" perhaps talk about how you feel privileged but still feel for them and have a drive to help people feel the way you do in your society.
I love the catcalling part.. I completely agree with you on that. After that, it gets very personal and truly it's inspiring to see such a personal and vulnerable part of yourself. That is truly something to be proud of, growing as an individual past traumatizing events such as that.
This is a concise but personal and eye-opening paper. I'm glad you shared your story and truly this is a very great way of showing who you are.
-sunshine.pill
Thanks!
Hey!
To counteract this I always proclaimed I wanted to help people: perhaps go more in-depth as to why you want exactly to help people or what moment instigated you to.
"one disadvantage I was born with. As a girl,"perhaps explain in that first sentence what was that disadvantage. "I was born with: being of the female gender.." or something along those lines.
"for girls in developing countries, but I didn’t face those issues on a daily basis, leaving me feeling separate" I honestly think this sounds a bit like you wanted to face those hardships because you felt "separated" perhaps talk about how you feel privileged but still feel for them and have a drive to help people feel the way you do in your society.
I love the catcalling part.. I completely agree with you on that. After that, it gets very personal and truly it's inspiring to see such a personal and vulnerable part of yourself. That is truly something to be proud of, growing as an individual past traumatizing events such as that.
This is a concise but personal and eye-opening paper. I'm glad you shared your story and truly this is a very great way of showing who you are.
-sunshine.pill
This is lovely! I'm so happy you felt confident enough to share.
If you need some college motivation, feel free to drop in and message me! Good luck, you've got a great essay here!
The only grammar problem I can see is that "one's" should just be "ones," without the apostrophe. Otherwise, this is great! I can tell you had to cut it down to stay under a word limit, but colleges know that! An admissions officer I talked to on one visit said that they know we have to stay under a word limit and that they don't expect beautifully written perfection; they're just looking for your story. And I think you present yourself very well in this essay! I'm in the middle of college applications too, so I know what you're going through there.
Thanks!
Hey Junel!
On another note, there are a few things you could improve on. One of which is punctuation. There were a few sentences in there that didn't make any sense. But nothing a comma couldn't fix! I think your paragraphs could be bigger, normally a paragraph is 4 to 5 sentences long, but some of them are only 3 sentences long. It wouldn't hurt to expand on each paragraph topic! That's all I could find, but you could re-read the essay over and change a few things. Overall it was very enjoyable to read! Oh ya, it was nice how you ended the entire essay by mentioning your indecision about your favorite colour!
This was a really good essay! It really captivated me. Your enthusiasm and your want for change really comes through in this essay. Your use of words really helped to speak a message. I can see why you got accepted into that college
- Stellarjay
Thanks for the review! I keep trying to befriend that comma thing, but we just don't seem to click. Also, I totally wish I could have expanded upon some of these paragraphs. Originally I actually had, but there was a word limit that I struggled to not go over.