z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Prologue and Prophecy

by JuneIparis


It had been a thousand years since the Earth had faced a devastating apocalyptic explosion from an out-of-orbit meteor. The world recovered very slowly, if at all, with a war starting between the tribes in search for resources crucial for their survival

After witnessing the human race face such danger of extinction, The Sun and the Moon promised to help the humans, but for the exchange of a child for each planet, for they couldn’t have their own children. In their desperation, the tribes accepted the deal, and one family sacrificed their two children, where the newborn son was taken by the sun, and the young daughter was taken by the moon.

The Earth faced a massive recovery in the matter of a few years, and everyone got back on their feet and improved their surroundings. Stories and prophecies quickly spread around, telling the tales of the celestial sons and daughters, myths that were shared between all the nations.

New mutations started to appear, from new eye colors to superhuman abilities. No one knew where they came from, or how they came to be. But they did know one thing: It meant war. Civil wars weren’t something they didn’t anticipate, but rather something they prepared for. They wanted to know the root of those powers, and they were willing to do anything in order to find a way to expand it to the rest of the world, even if it meant drinking a chalice of one’s brother. It disturbed the era of peace, causing all the powerful ones to die, leaving the powerless with no resolutions or answers to their slightest questions.

It was the waking call for all the nations. It pushed them to separate themselves to different districts, mainly based on their appearances, to keep all conflicts away from starting between the nations, reviving the peace between them

Now in the present, all the districts have allowed immigration in search of jobs or for education, as each district competed for the best of universities and boarding schools.

Prophecy

From the few prophecies to make through the Civil war, this was a particularly famous one. It was about a little girl, who would grow up to be one of the moon children, the strongest, to be exact. She was the chosen child to be left at a young age, just before adulthood. She was the one to retrieve their right from the traitorous sun that rebelled against the celestial pledge, the cause of the distressing unbalance in the harmony between the days and nights

The story had been altered many times. Some of which said the sun would take its right from the traitorous moon, others said the moon would fail to bring back the harmony, thus giving the sun the power to destroy the moon, meaning eternal day.

But the oldest and purest story concerned a little girl struggling through her teenage years, leaving behind her hometown due to her father’s incompetent methods of managing the family’s finances. She would be picked on and talked about because of her difference in the districts. She would put up a smile day, and weep quietly at night, talking to the moon as if it could hear her. And little did she know, it was. One day, a shadow messenger would blow her a message from the moon, telling a brief short message. And that’s the story that I will tell you, the story of Luna, the delicate flower of darkness.


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117 Reviews


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Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:54 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, JuneIparis!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

You've provided the reader with an amazing story idea and a rough idea of what will come next, which is a good thing. You hooked the reader with a very interesting exposition, and I'm already interested. I don't agree that you should drop the exposition, but I do agree that it could possibly be written/worded better.

I usually warn against prologues, especially if they hold something that is key to the story's plot. Prologues should be background stories, that aren't really necessary information. I do agree that this is somewhat of an information dump, and I'm not sure if any information in here is important to the story's future plot. Anyways, you may be wondering why prologues shouldn't hold any key information. This is because prologues are commonly skipped. It's a very sad and frightening idea, I know. But if this happens, you don't want your reader to be confused. If this is really something necessary to the plot, it shouldn't be a prologue. Simply make it the first Chapter/Part/Installment/any other variation of that in the story.

I feel as if you could go a little bit more in depth, as well. Such as going into more detail about the after effects of what happened. You did tell us, but you didn't really /show/ us.

That's all I have to say about this chapter. I'm curious to see more of this, so keep on writing! ^-^




JuneIparis says...


Thanks for the review! everything you've said can and will be taken into consideration. I'm a fairly new writer, and I really appreciate all the constructive critisism and positive vibes that you are sending in this review!
I hope you have a great day !
-Alex :D



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Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:54 pm
felidae wrote a review...



Hi! felidae here to review this really interesting piece.

Now, I've never reviewed before, so please bear with me and don't be afraid to tell me if I do anything wrong :)

I feel like the the exposition, could be dropped and explained a better way. You could drop it through a meaningful first scene, or through the whole book to give a sparse, kind of teasing idea of what happened. Though this is a prologue, it's more of an info-dump, I think.

I do really like the whole premise, though. It's really interesting and I can't wait to read more - but then again, I am a sucker for stories like this. The way you write it also helps to get the slightly solemn mood across to the reader, too.

It was good fun to read - I really enjoyed it, even if it was mainly backstory and information.

-felidae




JuneIparis says...


Thank you for the sweet review! I do agree on changing up the info dump in the prologue into a scene. its just that there are so many time gaps, and maybe because I'm a new writer and I don't know how to maneuver my way around scenes. Hehe. I appreciate you not taking it too harsh, it motivates me to write more!
i hope you have a great day!




We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot