It was the chocolate chip cookies. It was always the chocolate chip cookies. Why is it that the tastiest of foods are always the worst for you? A question that ran through young Adrienne Ingham’s head on a daily basis. Why was it that she was so much bigger than the other girls? They ate just as much as she did yet they kept their slim figures. The skinniest of these girls didn’t even play sports. Did that mean that you burned more calories from sexing the captain of the football team than you did if you ran a mile?
It was dark and cold now, but soon summer would be coming. Adrienne Rhea Ingham, nicknamed Ari, would make a bold decision. As the snow began to melt, a fatal omen, Ari would change her life. In no time it would be bikini season. At five foot three and one hundred and forty-two pounds, Ari was not skinny. She wanted to be, though. She wanted to turn the heads of the boys at the beach. The ones who looked like models in swimsuit ads.
Was it too much to just want one boy’s attention for once? For Ari, it might just be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I agree with the person above-- kind of short; and if you do expand this into a story, I'll be interested to hear what happens.
I'm a suker for makeover stories. You know, where the girl is fat/ugly/dorky until she gets a makeover and then she gets the guy or gets revenge-- or both.
So that's my two cents.
****The Universe******
Hey there, Juls!
You've got an interesting bit of story here. Not quite sure what to call it. It starts like a story, but ends like a blurb. It's also short like a blurb. The recommended range for a story posting is 500 - 1500 words, putting the prime range at about 1000. Long enough to be fairly critiqued, but short enough that people don't get intimidated by the size and leave before giving it a fair chance.
Sounds like an interesting story. I'm curious to see how it turns out for her and what she'll end up doing. Let me know when you get a sizable chunk of it up and running, sa?