Published November 3, 2011
Not an Angel
All I wanted was for you to see me,
To listen to me just one time.
To have your gaze fall upon me and see
The way my heart longed for you.
I only wanted to be your Angel,
But you broke my wings, my hopes, my dreams.
Was I so Wrong in asking you to Love Me?
Could you not see me, cold and lonely
In nights of thunder?
How I wanted you to hold me, to whisper soothing words,
For you to be a house, a home, the light that told me:
This is where I belong.
Was it my fault not being what you ever wanted?
Thw weight of your expectations heave upon my shoulder
All of your failed dreams turning into a heavy burden,
now becoming my task to conquer
See, my heart break into pieces, my hopes, my faith fall down to nothing.
Listen, to my cry for Love as rain falls down to join my tears in this cold night.
But you can't. You won't.
Because I'm not your Angel, and my wings are broken.
My hopes and dreams forever unspoken.
Was I so wrong in asking you to Love me?
By: Jude Henderson
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140,630 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
Hey there
Well, these kind of love writings are very common and therefore, one must think and describe differently in order to interest the reader even more.
But I loved the concept of the Angel.
Keep writing
I enjoyed the essence of this poem.. however, personally, I think that the questions in this poem make it a bit cliche at times..especially, "Was it so wrong in asking you to love me?" Also, saying "my heart breaks into pieces"..it's a bit overused. It usually is hard to make a love poem very strong and unique, I think if you added in some imagery it could be a stronger piece.
Though there were some imperfections, overall I really felt your pain. Although my father has always been kind to me, several other people in my life have treated me as awfully as desribed in your poem, and put me to my knees trying to please them. And it nearly destroyed me. This was so deep and moving, and very atypical of "sorrowful" poetry on this website. Just make sure to double check the grammar, set-up and flow and this will be amazing.
Sincerely,
Klotrox
There were certain aspects of this that were really nice, and certain aspects of this that I just wasn't a huge fan of. The overall concept is hard to make unique; writing anything about love is so hard because you really have to dodge those cliches. A lot of lines are just a little overworked, kind of echoed by nearly everybody writing love poems. Find a twist, a concept, or an angle that hasn't been tackled yet, and the results can be a lot more rewarding. BUT as is, this is still a nice poem. I liked that you weren't scared to have a couple short lines and some lines that were clearly a lot longer, and flow was pretty good as well.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver