E - Everyone

Krampus the ancient Ch.8 Smoke

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Ch.8 Smoke

Krampus stood over a man the symbols on his body grew dark, his puppets laid ripped to shreds on the ground. The smell of Galvan was rather fresh; he was the captor but he knew nothing of where he was, or why he had taken him.

He stormed off towards the town were the man had lost Galvan. He had gone back to the battlefield to look for the sword but had not found it. But the signs that the old thing was back was everywhere. From the air to the fact that the area was now a barren waste land.

Someone had taken the fragments and now was running around with one of the deadliest weapons in the world. Their intentions were unclear, that made them much deadlier.

And it didn’t seem a coincidence that Galvan got kidnapped at the same time. He rubbed his eyes, ghe’ ‘or SIQ could he truly be ghe’ ‘or SIQ. He couldn’t except it in his heart but in his mind he knew the evidence was building and would soon become undeniable.
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The tight leather chest plate was light over his white long sleeved shirt, the shirt was very soft a comfortable the pants and shoes not so much.

“Are these necessary?” he tried to move the shoes around to make them comfortable, but they were so tight they could barley move.

Hannah sighed, “yeah the whole uniform has a point, shoes help to keep from slipping, the pants really I have no clue.” She walked over to him and tightened the straps on his leather chest plate.

Enroth walked in a wood broadsword in hand, “ready?”

Galvan took a deep breath and nodded. Only two days ago had he asked the headmaster to allow him onto the school and the following morning he had an acceptance letter on his bed, he then preceded to go through the incisions, fitting, and other essentials.

He was now to be tested on his skill as a fighter, this is what worried Galvan the fact was he had no previous combat skills due to Krampus’s constant disliking of violence.

He was led out into a small room with dirt floor, and wood walls, the sealing was open to the bright blue sky, in the center stood a tall man with wood armor and sword. Along the side stood 10 men each watched him carefully each a head of one of the classes they would decide if they would teach him the ways of the sword, if they deemed him good enough.

Enroth gave him a nudge towards the man, Galvan shook a little at the sight of the man a quarter size bigger then him. He couldn’t think of being able to fight him, one thing kept his head from falling and admitting defeat, this guy was a quarter size smaller then Krampus, and beating this guy was his only way of finding him.

He raised his sword, the man did the same. He charged forward and hit at the man who quickly blocked, then swung narrowly missing Galvan. for next two minutes he dogged and parried, the man was clearly much stronger and more skilled then him.

then a burst of power almost rushed through him and he was ready, it wasn’t anger or skill that followed a feeling of almost survival instinct but a calm peace.

He took a deep breath and lunged forward, the man swung to hit him, but found him suddenly diving under quickly, he swung slamming into the man’s armor then slammed his elbow in to knock him off balance, he swung his word up hitting his face knocked his knee hard and kicked the man back onto his bottom.

The masters clapped then started talking among themselves; Enroth stepped over and patted him on the shoulder. However, something was strange, his hand burned and when he looked, the reason was clear. The strange sliver of metal that he had found was in his hand, he had not even realized he had taken, it glowed red hot symbols glowing green.

One of the gentlemen stood, “we have decided that I will take him,” he smiled at Galvan his hair was straight back, his long white robe swung as he walked up to shake Galvan’s hand, “my name is Gordon, it’s nice to meet you Galvan.”

Galvan smiled, had he really done it completed the trial that easily, “thank you sir.”

Master Gordon smiled, “training starts tomorrow, but I must ask where did you learn to fight like that?”

Galvan furrowed his brow, “like what?”

Master Gordon scratched his bearded, “never mind we will talk tomorrow, have a good day.”

Hannah walked up, “what on earth, I thought you said you couldn’t fight, and you suddenly start attacking knocking him down in seconds, what are you?”

He smiled at her, “I don’t know, I’ve never even held a real sword.”

After that Enroth took them into the small town and treated them to a delicious meal, afterwards Galvan had returned to his room his head hurt badly as he laid down on the mattress. He felt the small metal in his hand, it hadn’t left his hand since they had left.

He stared at the symbols they were like nothing heed ever seen and the metal wasn’t iron or steel he couldn’t figure out what it was. He through it next to his bag and sighed.

Finally, exhaustion took him away, away to something he wished never to see.

Galvan felt his hand being tugged as he saw the large lake, water glistened under the moon, he looked down at his hand a small girl was pulling it. She pulled him towards the water, her strength frightening.

Suddenly from behind someone started pushing him, the little girl began to sing a song in another language. His foot touched the cold water, he tried to struggle, the water was terrifyingly deep, as he was pulled into the depths.

From the depths he saw something surging up towards him, he struggled when hands suddenly reached up grabbing him pulling him into the depths, the water bulged as a hand of smoke burst forth plunging his head under.

A voice rang out, “welcome little fool, you really think you can defeat me with that, not even he could,” his eyes fell on the chained silhouette of Krampus, “or any of them,” the chained bodies of many demons and people swayed under rapped in chains, he felt metal clamp to his limbs, “and you shall follow their example little hunter,” two red eyes appeared staring at him smoke surged towards him pushing Galvan deeper, some forming into chains.

His scream was muffled as the water surged into his throat, his eyes flew open to see Enroth holding him down, several other man helped him.

He was soaked in sweat his arms hurt from the mens grip, “what just.”

Enroth motioned the others back, he saw Hannah in the door her face filled with terror.

“Galvan are you ok?” Enroth placed his arm on his shoulder.

Galvan shook his head, his hand burned opening it he saw the metal sliver but it was longer, and its symbols where dark red. He closed his hand, “I don’t know.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Casanova
Review

Heya, JPwriter! Casanova here to do a quick/short review!

To start off I'd like to say I did like this story, so props for that.

When I first read this I felt like it could be broken up into smaller bits, as the length was rather daunting and you separate two sections of it by yourself, but this is up to you.
The next thing I noticed was the characters. Although they seem somewhat caring to one another, they also seem a bit lifeless. No diverse flavours, I guess you could say. Like they were woven from the same quilt. Spicing up personality would help this, and you do that by what the character says, thinks, and does. I think doing that would really help you out.
The overall plot was decent, but the ending wasn't really there. I think you could have made it more of a cliffhanger, as the ending of this was rather boring to read.
Anyway, I think that's all for this one. Hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, MAtthew Casanova Aaron

User avatar
Astronomer
Review

Hello there, Jpwriter!
This is Moonwatcher here for a review on your chapter! ^-^

I haven't read the previous installments of your book, and I apologize if I get anything wrong, or if I get confused by something I could've easily learned in a previous installment. However, I'm reviewing this for the sake of getting this work out of the green room, and again, feel free to correct me about anything.

My main issue with this chapter is the readability. In the dialogue, there's a lack of correct punctuation and capitalization, throughout the story there's a lack of commas/periods in the areas that they need to be, and there is very frequent misspelling of words. This makes reading the dialogue very difficult for the reader, and the reader may run out of breath due to lack of correct punctuation such as periods and commas. The reader also has to make frequent pauses to look over words, which could be irritating. I'm not going to go over the list of these mistakes, because it's a very large list that would make this a /very/ long review. Instead, I'll teach you how to find these mistakes yourself.

I suggest reading all of this yourself. Not in your mind, however, because no brain is perfect and these mistakes could very easily slip, and we don't want that to happen. Instead read this chapter aloud to yourself. If you feel as if anything is very hard to read, could use improvement, or simply needs to be removed, then fix it.

Some of your descriptions could go into more detail. It's as if the reader doesn't really get enough, and could know a little bit more. But I might be saying this because I have no idea what's up with plot, since again, I skipped. In fact, I think it would be better if I didn't really critique the plot because I could barely even pick up an idea of what this story was about.

That's all I have to say about this chapter. I think my main point here is that the readability could be improved. I hope my review helped you out! ^-^

Thank you moon I really appreciate your suggestions this chapter does need some work and it will be getting it so thank you again.



i exist in a constant state of confusion so its ok
— veeren