Published August 17, 2010
Dust off the shelves where my memories lay,
take it out,
and clean the pain away,
and maybe tonight, ill replace them...maybe so...
because I know that you will always be apart of what,
I had, what I knew, but tonight its the last time ill think of you,
and i have moved on its, true...
So lady of the hours,
I know you do not need me,
I know you do not see me,
but i hope you let me have my chance,
and I, have searched for a path, to your heart,
but every road is blocked,
it would be wonderfull for you to let me in...
and now i know this wont be easy,
wont be easy to beleive me,
that im over her and onto you,
so maybe you can see me,
like lights from the ceiling,
i hope to brighten up your dark times....
And lady of the hour,
wont you be the lady of my life?
I need no other questions,
not even a white lie,
id like to ask you kindly,
come join me tonight...
because the idea of letting you go,
someone else with your hand....
feels like the searing pain, of the worst time of my life,
and i will not let go...
So lady of the hour,
wont you be the lady of my life?
the girl i need now,
and later for those times...
that i seem so lonely, so lost and confused...
i need you here with me, dont let me be abused....
So take my hand softly, kiss me so sweet, find the path together,
and tonight we will meet,
lets refill these shelves,
with amazing memories,
in which you are apart of...
and I can clearly see...
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For this poem you need to capitalize the first letter in every line. So instead of
you should do:There are a few other grammar errors as such in your poem such as ill should be I'll and im should be I'm and wont should be won't and id should be I'd.
But the is a strong poem. I like how you wrote about the memories. That is a very strong hook. But I'm sure the grammar is simple typos, I have them all the time. But keep writing!
I like the beginning
. Your grammar has a few flaws, though mostly things like saying "ill" instead of "I'll". I caught a misspelling, too. Also, I thought it got a little choppy toward the middle. But your beginning and end are strong, so good job with that. One more thing, I liked the parts about memories and the way you described that because it's easy to relate to.