Young Writers Society

hey there!

this was cool... I mean mama's love potion- interesting idea. and though it was short i certailnly enjoyed it. and all those emotion that you put in the recepie *winks* were really well judged. and the best part was the way you divided it into every stage- that certainly was remarkale! i'm not actually a person who knows how cooking is done... but i dont know why but this made perfect sence to me... maybe some of your potion worked...
so yeah great job there! hope to see more of such awesome works in the future...untill then keep up the good work.

happy review day!
Fangirl~

Hey there JoytheBrave. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

1. It was funny/nice that you used a formatting similar to a recipe to explain your points but you need to choose one side or the other. The story switches between a recipe format and just regular story/paragraph formatting at several points. You have to decide which route to go. If you go the recipe route start by listing the ingredients at the top of the page. Use bold if you have to point out each section. Numbering the steps would also be helpful to the reader. Here is a possible way to do the ingredients for frosting.

[/b]Ingredients[/b]...Frosting -1 tbs Affection -1 tbs Appreciation -1tbs Devotion -1tbs Respect -1tbs Tenderness

Make sure to allow for adequate time to cook (between 1 and 10 years according to the intensity of the oven).

Adjust baking times depending on the model of oven.

Wow, not only do you have a grasp on love and everything needed for it, but you have a strong enough idea to create a simple yet clever analogy with food....It just ain't fair.

But in all seriousness, this work is not only clever and fun, but as far as I know quite original. Sure I know the whole idea of needing empathy, kindness, patience, and everything else you can find in the scented candle section of a bed, bath, and beyond...But I don't think I've seen the baking a cake analogy, creativity and innovation are still present today, Halleluja! Mistake me if I'm wrong but I see the ingredients as the necessary emotions, the oven as the heart/character, and the literal frosting as the figurative icing on the cake which makes each cake somewhat different through different amounts of affection and devotion, an analogy I see as a breath of fresh air. But I suppose neither of us want over-glorification here, so here it is, the problems. Simply put it's just too short for a lasting impact. This isn't something you have to fix and I know the more you try to stretch out something the less memorable it is, but just think on it, anything you'd like to add? There's nothing in your way. Overall this work is quite cute and a great analogical explanation of the great mysteries of life, great job!