Aware (title work in progress)

Hello!! Authorian here~~

Not gonna lie, I've seen the prompt I could believe this is from. I tried to write it, something along these lines (character awareness) and failed. So I was really excited when I realized that that was what this was.

It wasn't too long, nor too short. I think you selected an excellent length, personally. As Ladybug said, nothing but good things to say.

The character was very firm and I liked the way the world began to form in front of her. I also liked the few hints as to what kind of story they were apart of.

Also! The way they felt an urge to run and resisted, very clever. I also like the suggestion of a world outside of the authors writing.

I can also relate with the author! If something like this happened to me when I was actually writing I'd just think I was insane xD Sometimes it does feel like the characters have a mind of their own, scary .-.

Overall, it's a great stand alone piece and I would be happy to read it if you expanded on it and turned it into a novel! I feel like this could be expanded, and if you made this work, you could make a longer piece work.

Final thoughts: Great work, could be adapted into a longer story, keep writing! You have great talent

~~Authorian~~

Greetings! Ladybug here for a review!

~Other Bits~
I have found nothing wrong with this. Awesome.

~The Good Bits~
I've got nothing but good things to say about this. This was truly amazing. I love the idea of a character having a mind of its own. The fact that they weren't even the main was so unpredictable. Love it!

I glare at the neverending whiteness. Inky symbols start to trek their way across the landscape, brightening and transforming into grass and trees and blue sky.

I sit on the grass that isn’t real, only a detail written onto paper with a pen. “It wasn’t the dragon that killed all those people. It was you- your decision. I thought something must be wrong. I always felt as if I had to walk a certain way, aim my bow in this direction when I knew it would be better to aim a little to the left. The whole time you were controlling all of us.” I felt the sudden urge to run back towards where I came, but I resisted.

I stare into the distance, somewhere I hope the author can feel my wrath. “My offer stands. Stay away from us and our lives, and I’ll leave your precious hero alone.”

I like it! Continue onward and make better things in the future.....One thing bothers me though......If the character figured out he is in a story, will he figure out that the author is in a story meaning he is in 2 stories at once?

You beat me to the punch. I have always thought about what it would be like if the world that we create within our stories was an actual world with real people and real places. Of course I never really thought about how to write it. I bet this is a thought that every writer has thought about at one time or another.

The way that you portray your character is very well done, as well as the writer as this formless entity that effects the world that the character inhabits. I like how there is this sort of interaction between them as the character comes to this realization and the writer believes himself to be going crazy. I would agree with austinturtle that it would make more sense for the character to be angry at what the writer has done to him and the characters within the world. However, at the same time, I understand that you are trying to portray a sense of despair from this character as he realizes that he is only words on a page and a figment of someone's imagination. The overwhelming feeling of the world crashing down around the character as he questions every part of his being, even his own memories, leaves him in a state of shock.

The demand of the character is one that I imagine that many of my characters would demand of me if they ever found out about the truth of their world.

This is a great story and I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Happy Writing!

First off, let me say I haven't really ever read a work with this exact subject matter before. Of course there probably has been works about things like this, like breaking the fourth wall, etc. But I thought this was fairly original, and even if it isn't, I still liked the subject matter a lot. I like the fact you have a character trying to deal with a controlled life and personally that really resonates with me. Also, I think the choice to use italics instead of quotation marks for the author was a good choice.

If you have ever taken a writing course or maybe even watched some youtube videos, the term show don't tell is used A LOT. Personally, I live by this rule and truly think it creates better writing more times than not, and in this excerpt, I feel you can benefit A LOT by describing the feelings more, because the feeling of resisting, the betrayal, those emotions aren't transferring over to me as the reader. Describe this hunger for the truth, a ravishing need that churns inside of you, and despite the attempts to compress and hide away this emotion, it still leaks out and makes your mouth salivate.

I kind of gave an example of it with the one I just posted, but I also feel you should evoke the imagination more. For example, you say, "In front of me all I see is white." I feel that sentence is great the way it is, but afterword I feel you should talk and describe more of this "never-ending whiteness". For example, it stretches as far as my eyes can see. And I think you have a lot of opportunities to apply this in your work, for example the fake grass.

For the story, I feel the main character, the written one, should be more angry. The author wrote that everyone in his life that was important to him was murdered and all the bad decisions and pain was a result of this author's artistic preference. I feel initially, he should absolutely livid by this, and be aggressive accordingly. Then after that initial period of rage, he can start showing his sadness and betrayal of how everything isn't real, etc. And then finish off by giving an ultimatum to the author. Also, the character becomes really reasonable at the end and polite, saying ,"My off stands." That gives a polite and nice feeling that doesn't make sense with the context of the story.

Finally, the author's voice was fairly well done. Although a quick tip, I would make his language be very formal and complicated, more so than it is now. Authors are typically very well educated and very intelligent, and I feel you should write the author as such, using a high level of vocabulary and such. Also, when the author decides he is crazy, he jumps to that conclusion way to fast. I feel as an intellectual, you should have him process it, trying to think of various ways why this may be happening. In essence, being very logical about it. Then as the character continues to disprove what he is thinking, that logic deteriorates slowly and we see the transition from a very logical man to an insane person. For reference, you can look at the main character of The Tell-Tale heart. I feel a voice similar to that would be very beneficial to your writing.

In conclusion, I thought this was a very interesting piece of work, and I see potential in a full length short story, novel, movie, or whatever you would want to do with this!