A Thief but No Murderer- Chapter 1


The coolness of the night wicks away the hot shame on my face. I let a little puff of air escape from my mouth in a sigh, resigning myself to the fact that if I didn’t do what I needed to we’d die.

Ali gives me a half-smile, the guilt evident on his own face. “We have to, September,” He whispers.

“I know.”

He scans my face in the twilight. The moon is bright, making his face glow. My gut roils with nervousness. I can see too well out here, we’re sure to be caught. I take a deep breath, hoping to calm my pounding heart.

Ali knits his fingers together and spreads his feet wide apart, creating a pocket for me to slip my foot into so he can boost me up. “Ready?” He whispers.

In response I put my hands on his shoulders and my foot in his hands. He lifts up, arms shaking even under my meager weight. I reach up and grab the lip of the wall looming in front of us and pull up. I slip a knee onto the ledge and straddle the wall, sitting as if on a horse. My knees grip the wall for balance as I help Ali up. He does most of it himself; I’m way too small to help much. Once we’re both astride the wall I slip quietly to the other side, rolling on the balls of my feet to avoid making noise. Ali lands silently beside me. We creep towards the estate, careful to keep hidden in the foliage. We reach a floor level window and Ali gently eases the shutters off. Careful not to shatter the glass I work the window out of its socket. Once it’s free I lay it down softly in the grass. I slip into the hollow and emerge inside the manor. Ali squirms through after me, struggling far more than me to fit. Once he’s safely on the floor beside me we make our way through the dark house. A baron lives here, and it’s obvious with every decoration we pass.

Beside me I see Ali slip a small trinket into a sack. I feel a pang of guilt in my heart. We’re very careful with who we steal from and what we steal. We only steal from those who won’t miss it, the well-endowed. The man who owns this place probably won’t even notice anything gone, but I still almost drown in guilt with every penny we steal. We search each hallway for sellable trinkets, careful to avoid bedrooms. We do this for a few reasons. Although the more valuable items will most likely be in the bedrooms, jewelry, gold, money, and whatnot, the things in there are also more likely to be sentimental. We try to avoid hurting people as much as possible and stealing something that means something to the owner goes too far for me. Soon we’re satisfied with our load and make our way back to the window.

“Shh.” Ali whispers, his eyes widening. I listen and hear what he must be so frightened by: footsteps. I freeze. We continue to the window as quietly as we can but a few feet away from the window a woman turns the corner. Her hand flies up to her mouth and she screeches.

“Burglars!!!” She screams. Ali and I take off, flying for the window. She doesn’t come after us but continues her symphony of screeching. I dive through the window and Ali is close behind me. More shouting joins the woman’s, but this time it is the low timber of men. Ali and I take off sprinting. We make it to the wall just as a poorly aimed arrow whizzes past us. Shouts of “Get them” and “shoot again” echo across the grounds. Ali quickly boosts me up. My arm erupts in pain as an arrow punches into my arm. I bite hard on my cheek to keep myself from crying out. I slip over to the other side of the wall and Ali comes down after me. We keep running until the cries start to die out and then I collapse against a wall gasping. I can feel warm blood trickling down my arm and give a muffled moan of pain.

Ali turns to me and catches sight of the arrow buried in my bicep. “September! You’re shot!”

“I’m alright,” I say breathlessly. “I’m-“ I gasp in pain as my arm ends up in Ali’s hands, being inspected less than gently.

“Sorry.” He murmurs. “We have to get this arrow out.”

“Not yet,” I manage to get out through the pain.

“Denver can do it when we get back.” Ali says. “Are you going to be able to make it?” He says, concern lacing his words.

“Of course,” I say, but my arm burns in protest. “It’s fine Ali, really.”

He shakes his head, not quite believing me. We start walking back nevertheless, me clutching my wounded arm and him sending me worried looks. He takes the sack of filched goods off my back and adds it to his own. I don’t have the will to protest, I’m too busy hoping I can make it back to the barn that is our safe place without Ali having to carry me.

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Great job on the story. I enjoyed it. I really like your title. It is very creative and captivating. I bet anyone who lays their eyes on the title name will be drawn to it. I like the characters Ali and September. I would love to know why they are stealing. Do not spoil anything for me! You will probably do a Part 2 or something like that.
I want to inform you about the punctuation. It is good, but some quotes are like this:
"Sorry." He murmurs.
"Denver can do it when we get back." Ali says.
You should really do:
"Sorry," he murmurs. And:
Denver can do it when we get back," Ali says.
You see? Just replace the period with the comma. This implies to all other sentences that have the mistake. Just add a comma instead of a period.
Hey! Great job. :D
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01

User avatar
kevin25a
Review

This was really good, I'm definitely a fan. Have a follow and a fan. :)

I really like the uniqueness of your idea and look forward to where you will take the story. Midevil nobility has always been a fascination of mine. It's also a unique way to have the world reset, although I don't see why calanders need to be. Time can't be reset, history repeats itself and the future is never a certainty. But time doesn't rewind because of calanders being reset so that part seemed unnecessary. I would like to say that 300 years literally isn't enough time to purge all technology. The amount of technology in the world now would take at least 500 years to completely remove. You would have to load all cars, guns, games, computers, building rubble, missles, and so much more. It would literally take 500 to 1000 years with what we have now, I'm just saying. That's all the nitpicks I have though, I'm not saying it's bad or wouldn't work. It's a really good story and I love it, but 300 years isn't enough time even if all 6.9 billion people in the world agreed to it and helped out.

I see what you're saying. When I began writing this I knew there would be some logic problems to work out. Thanks for the review.

Yeah, but it is a story, so anything is possible. Personally I loved the story, and just wanted to point them out. I didn't have a problem with them, I like stories like this more when it's like that. :)

User avatar
TealElephant
Comment

Hi Joy!

Wow! I must say I was very impressed on where the story really went. I felt like the mood was good throughout the whole chapter. I also liked how you used a lot of dialogue to help set the setting and mood between characters.

I can't find many things wrong with this Chapter...GREAT JOB! I look forward to reading more of the story.

~Elephant
P.S. Don't listed to the haters. They have to realize that it's a FICTION story and isn't based on true statistics.

ug! I forgot to mark it as a review!

300 years ago the United Nations passed the law that the earth and all its peoples would revert back to the way it was during medieval times. The atmosphere had been thinning and pollution was killing thousands. Radiation lined the air. People were desperate and began to see the end of the world looming before their eyes.


You know how they say that the reader is more likely to accept the impossible than the improbable? I feel that this might be a solid example of such. First of all, the UN doesn't have that kind of authority at all :p Second of all, during medieval times the world wasn't as nice as it is today, so I doubt that those in power, i.e. the ones with the most to lose, would go for this kind of decision.

In desperation, after yet another pandemic, the whole world’s leaders got together on February 7th 2490 A.D. and, after five days of debate, changed the course of history and restarted the calendar. All the buildings were torn down and the rubble towed to Venus and dumped. All technology was confiscated; the world literally started over.


Building on the point made in the first paragraph, the UN doesn't make decisions (like this) over just a few days of debate. Granted, it's unlikely they'll ever have this kind of debate at all. Not only that, in what way does it make sense that the best course of action is to start over? In the future, wouldn't advanced technology allow for more efficient ways to deal with climate change and such?

I get what you're going for, but this in particular makes little sense.

The people of earth kept all modern knowledge of medicine and logic and passed it down through their families. Language gradually slipped back into a mix of modern and medieval. The U.N. thought it best to dissolve all current government and begin again with kings, queens, princesses, princes, ladies, lords, and peasants. Naturally the wealthiest and smartest gained control of the nations and set new boundaries and rules.


You should really elaborate on why the UN would think something like this~

The first hundred years was full of hardship and death. But eventually the climate righted itself again. People figured out how to create crude forms of paper out of trees, how to sheer sheep and spin their wool into cloth, an art long forgotten, and above all, be able to survive without technology.


This would take a little more than 100 years, however.

About the rest of the chapter... It was short, but written rather well. I felt like you spent a lot of time explaining how they climbed the wall and what steps they took to get over it etc., but it made it very clear nevertheless. I feel like you explained the character Septembers motivations rather well, him being forced to do this kind of thing out of poverty, probably.

Well done, though I'd rather have you spend more time on other things than just the wall scene. Also, the thing about the UN wasn't as accurate, making it less enjoyable (for me, that is) to read, this glaring inconsistency with reality made it rather hard to swallow. Good descriptions as well.

For the first part you quoted I think you missed the point. Having the authority to do it or not is irrelevant, with enough governments to agree they would have the power to enforce it.
Your second part of the quote also missed the point. Those in power would be made aristocrats, (high and low ranked nobles.) While average citizens like you and me would be made a commoner. They wouldn't lose anything in the transition. They would keep there power by being a high ranking or low ranking noble of aristocracy.
Although I agree with your second quote halfway, five days is more than enough to decide anything. Although as you said it's unlikely anyone would discuss it, remember anything is possible. And while modern technology would be the easiest way to fix global warming, when in human history has humanity ever taken the easy path to survive? Never.
The UN (United Nations) is a group of roughly 3/4 of the world leaders. Elected officials are always morons, presidents, governors, mayors, prime minister's, ect. Only one in every few thousand isn't arrogant and impulsive.
You're correct for earth to recover from such a case of global warming would take millions of years, not 100. But I don't think that was the point. I think what was meant was hardship and death by people rebelling against this in futility. Because people will rebel against anything with or without reason. And governments in this case would swiftly put down any rebellion, hence the death. The forced transition would cause strife physically and mentally people would take generations to adapt to, hence hardship.

I agree with a lot of your review, but I also think you missed a lot of points.

You say, 'it's not about having authority' and proceed to argue that 'if enough governments agree it will be done'. A government is nothing more than the representing body of a populous (in a democracy at least). If they do something like this, what's to stop a massive rebellion? Besides, what's the point in shooting everyone and having no one to rule over in the end?

Also, your comment on my second quote is weird: are you suggesting an elected official would suddenly be made an aristocrat? An heriditary title? Saying the common folk wouldn't lose anything would be a grave misunderstanding in that case: they would lose a whole lot if they couldn't elect their leaders! All their influence would be gone.

On the point 'when have people ever chosen the easiest path to survival?' - we always aim to do so. Ever heard of specialisation and division of labour?

Finally, the UN is a group of representatives (not leaders) of countries. They are professionals and experts - hardly the kind of people one could classify as arrogant and impulsive. Diplomacy, you know.

Meh, I'd say my main gripe is your lack of basic understanding of the world reflected in your first 2 paragraphs ie the world building paragraphs~

Hi! Can the author join in the debate? Probably the main reason I put this idea out here was so people could help me make it more realistic. So thanks for the critique. The debate happened four hundred years in our future, so I was thinking a lot of things could change between now and then. I'll try to explain my line of thinking better in the prologue. Thank you again,

Joy

Why not just alternate history?

Alternate history would work, but I want the dialogue to be more modern. If I just decided to set it during actual medieval times could I still keep the dialogue modern?

For now I've removed the prologue to make some changes. If you have any ideas let me know. Once again, thank you for the review.



We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare