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Sneeze Attack

by Joslyn


December 4th, 2013

Wow, last day of tenth grade all ready ? Doesn't really seem like anyone's getting mushy and gooey over this. Why am I complaning, the less emotional it is, the less I'll have to think about saddistic thoughts.

We bascially sat around all day doing nothing much, of course Math had to be excercised during Math class, but the rest of the day was spent by attempting to finish records and sit around moping about hoe boring our day wwas going.

Since our school does still have a little affection towards to Sophomore Classes, they cancelled all our classes after Lunch and let us play around and crap like that.

The Seniors had their last day of school today too. Which means sharing the last two periods of freedom with them.

The boys from the two tenth grade division decided to have a soccer game and the girls decided to cheer them on and I thought I might as well join them even though I'm well aware of my severe allergy of Dust and pollen. And of course, the outcome was red eyes, a red nose and a whole lot of sneezing and embarrassment. Why God, Why??

I hate having allergies, they prevent me from spending a day in the warm sun with my friends just joking around, trying to act cool in front of the 12th graders.

Your so smart Joslyn.


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Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:58 pm
DukeofWonderland wrote a review...



Hello there,

Firstly dear, this isn't art. It's supposed to be posted in your blog, I think.

Okay, so paragraph 1, sentence 3: "Why am I complaining" ought to be followed by a question mark.

Also, sadistic means something entirely different than sad ^_^

Paragraph 3: don't write "Crap like that", that just sounds funny. If this is a blog post thought, everything's fine.

Paragraph four should be one sentence, replace the full stop you put with a coma.

Overall, there's a lot of unnecessary capitalization: the words 'sophomore', 'classes', 'lunch', 'seniors', 'dust', 'why' (after the Why God) do not need to be capitalized.

Finally, you had a few typos in the last sentence of your second paragraph and at the last statement,

You're so smart , Joslyn

Hope that helps :D




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Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:44 pm
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RavenLords wrote a review...



Hello Joslyn,

RavenLords here for a review on this fine day.

Wow, last day of tenth grade all ready#FF0000 "> ?


Why is there a space there?!?! Take it out.

Why am I complaning, the less emotional it is#FF0000 ">, the less I'll have to think about #FF0000 ">saddistic thoughts.


Saddistic? I think you mean sadistic. There is no need for two commas, take out the second one.

We #FF0000 ">bascially sat around all day doing nothing #FF0000 ">much,


Bascially? No, take it out. The sentence doesn't make sense it you say "doing nothing much".

but the rest of the day was spent by attempting to finish records and sit around moping about #FF0000 ">hoe boring our day #FF0000 ">wwas going.


I think you mean...

but the rest of the day was spent by attempting to finish records and sit around moping about how boring our day was going.


The Seniors had their last day of school today #FF0000 ">too.


Change "too" to "also".

The boys from the two tenth grade division decided to have a soccer game and the girls decided to cheer them on and I thought I might as well join them even though I'm well aware of my severe allergy of Dust and pollen. And of course, the outcome was red eyes, a red nose and a whole lot of sneezing and embarrassment. Why God, Why??


There are so many bad thing in that paragraph I don't have time to name them all(try to fix them).

with my friends just joking around#FF0000 ">, trying to act cool in front of the 12th graders.


It need to be...

with my friends just joking around #FF0000 ">and trying to act cool in front of the 12th graders.


This is a Diary type write. It doesn't belong in the Literary works. You need to put all of these "diary writes" in a blog.

Hope you take these into consideration
RavenLords




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Fri Dec 20, 2013 12:53 pm
ErinYount says...



Heyl
Nothing much except that you should probably read your stuff a couple of times before posting it. There are many typos and spelling errors, that seem like unintentional.

Keep writing.

-Erin





The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
— Anonymous