A Snowy Evening With The Prostitues Outside Lavery's Bar

Great poem; small, but packs a punch.

The AA-B-CC rhyme-scheme makes reading it a joy, but, as mentioned, the first stanza flows a lot better than the second. The internal rhyme of the first in "bouncer" and end-line rhyme in "pouncers" and "taxi announcers" add to the flow of the first stanza, but this isn't met in the second: "spark" and "dark" are single-syllables so throw off the double-syllable 'bounce' of the first stanza. I hope that makes sense.

The imagery of the cold is on-point (especially considering Belfast's current weather!), and you've captured a late-night in Belfast pretty well, actually. It also has a 'bluesy' feel to it, like you could almost sing along to it, and due to the influence of such songs in your life, I wouldn't be at all surprised if that was intentional, Mr. Jordanovitch.

Finally, don't forget to proof read:

- "Hardly flinching as the bar figh rolls across the street" - fight*

- "Nowhere to get new ones when its this dark" - it's*

Hope this helps!

Well, what can I say? Absolutely fantastic. A treat for the senses: the ears, the eyes, the mouth, the nose and of course, the dick.

All kidding aside, Jordan, this is a very good poem. There is something awfully predatory about bouncers and taxi drivers - I know they have to be sober but they are so animalistic, right? This is definitely the poem to adorn your auto-biography in the inside cover

The first stanza is AWESOME. I love this so much

The second stanza lacks the ease of the first, the rhyming seems a little forced and the meter strained. "Booze ark" is creative, but unwieldy. Your images are all so perfectly simple and this one doesn't fit. This poem has a lonely humor-- someone with no one to commiserate with. I see it in the line about the lighter and matches, but nowhere else in the 2nd stanza.

I'm sorry I don't have more concrete examples of what I would change. I wish I could have been witness to this.

I like this. I is really different. But a good different. You Should Right More. Just know i would read them. I really wonder how people come up with up poems. It's so hard and for you to be able to make one and then share it with people is really good. So keep doing what you are doing!

Hey

So i quite liked this poem . It was on a topic that not many write about which made it interesting , the poems on worn-out topics are usually quite boring and usual. I liked the way you expressed yourself but the flow of the poem could have been better. Anyways good job and keep up the interesting and different topic poems