I woke up at 7:00 as usual and looked out the window to see the beautiful looks of my garden. The pink leaves of one tree perfectly accompanied the red leaves of another. My mum always had loved gardening. I got dressed and was about to walk down stairs for breakfast when I noticed something on my desk. Deciding that I had a few minutes to spare, I walked over to my desk. The object that had caught my attention was a small bit of paper. That is, it might of used to have looked like paper once in its lifetime. Now it was yellow with age and looked like something had been spilled on it. I picked up carefully and read it.
"You look so angry when you sleep! You need to lighten up! I made your family all look so happy!"
Trying to understand this cryptic message, clearly written by someone who wasn't exactly completely sane, I looked underneath the note and saw a picture. It was a picture of me sleeping but with a minor detail. Just behind me you can see a white face with big black eyes and orange hair. The most disturbing thing about this strange photograph was the gigantic smile that the photo contained. My eyes grew big with fear. I had seen this face before. Yesterday when my mum was driving me-
I stopped. I had just realized that I could hear no movement or sounds coming from around the house. It was as quiet as if it was the middle of the night. My heart started pounding hard. I reached out forward forward for the handle. The cold metal made it feel like I was touching ice. I moved the handle down. The door clicked and swung open. The sight of what I next saw stopped my heart for a couple of seconds. There, right in front of my face on the wall was my family. They were dangling from ropes that had been badly wrapped around them. There throats had been slit, and from the look of the dried blood it looked like they had been there for hours. And somehow I didn't notice. The worst part of this all was the smiles. There mouths had been pushed into a huge smile and the sides of their mouths had been cut to make their smile even more creepy and unnatural. I let out a slight whimper that evolved into a scream. A figure started walking towards me with slow exaggerated footsteps. It was a familiar face. I inspected it closer. It was the...clown. The same one that had been following me around for so long. How come I couldn't remember its face until now? Memories washed over me like a tidal wave. All of the times I had seen that face peeking over the fence of our yard. All of those times I had seen that face looking at me from the closet.
I looked into the clown's eyes for the last time. The face that has been tormenting me since my birth, was going to be the last face I would ever see.
Hi Jordan!
Let's get right to the review! I really liked the darkness of this (I'm not a sadist, I swear!), especially towards the end. I'm quite a fan of dark literature and I think you described it really well. I've often found it's quite hard to keep up a dark tone, but you've done a great job with that, so well done!
One issue I have with this is the third paragraph is really long, a bit too long! It's got good language, but I think it could be broken down a bit more because right now it's a bit of an eyesore and honestly, made me want to dread reading it. I don't think that's the case with everyone, but when I see a long paragraph I just don't really feel like reading it anymore. And this would be very disappointing considering how good the language in it is!
'looks of my garden' doesn't really sound quite right. I mean you don't see the looks of your garden, you see your garden.
The 'deciding' here seems a bit odd. I think perhaps a word like 'realising' would be better in it's place.
Rather than telling us that it's disturbing, show us! As readers, we want to make that decision for ourselves. I would've liked to have seen more description about the picture. Why was it so disturbing?
In general, this was really good. As I said before, it's a very interesting concept. The whole thing about the clowns is very cool, I'm not afraid of them myself, but I have heard some pretty creepy stories involving clowns, and I think this story adds to that collection. I hope this review helped. Feel free to PM me with questions or if you'd like anything else reviewed.
Keep Writing!
-Arc
Ah! The magical powers of fear clowns have over people! Thank you for this story, I enjoyed this so much. I love horror and suspense and this did it for me. I would like to have known more about the clown, but after second thought I'm not sure I could stomach it! I'll probably be sleeping with my eyes open tonight! Good job, and I hope you write more of these!
Wow! This story is incredible! I started getting chills as soon as the narrator was reading the message on the note. I hate clowns so much and this story did a great job at scaring me. Love it!
You need to expand on this! I love the idea, and I for one, HATE clowns. You are doing a pretty good job at including the emotion here, along with the suspense. The mystery is here too, and the ending really got me! I strongly encourage you to continue writing. Horror can be a really difficult topic, and you are doing well. I suggest re-reading through it to fix a few grammatical errors, nothing big though. Also re-read this to see where you can expand. You should make a series of short horror stories! That would be pretty cool. Anyways, keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your work. And as always, good luck to you and your writing.
Love it!
The title drew me in to reading it. It was simple, but left me curious about you story.
GREAT detailing! It was very easy to imagine everything being described. The story was creepy, but in a good way.
The ending was good too. Very suspenseful with the last sentence, I wish I knew if the main character died or not!
Anyway awesome story.
NoOne:)
GUESS WHO'S HERE TO REVIEW!!! COME ON!!! GUESS!!! XD
*Puts A+ for Spelling*
Only after reading Puppy's review. Well, I think I didn't give it much thought is because horror stories to me, I just care about the horror stuff sometimes and not the Why. Is that why you didn't include answers in your short story?
Ok, its me, you guessed right. (Did you?) A 'nother review from me to a writer! Hehehehe >:)
First things first, I like to start with any misspellings or grammar mistakes.
I think I spotted one :3 "I reached out forward forward for the handle." You said 'forward' twice! :0 I don't think it's meant to be like that, maybe double check that sentence.
But I'm really glad that there were no words spelt incorrectly!
GOOD JOB!!!!! We're so proud of you!
Second of all! After reading the puppy's review, (thats cm if he changed his avatar, DONT YOU DARE CHANGE IT! IT'S TOO CUTE!!!) I do get wondering that why is the clown even here, and why hasn't he done anything about it since it was from his birth? And stuff like, what Puppy questioned, WHY?!?!
BUT!!! While reading it, I didn't give much thought about those questions!
Yes?
Some very very thoughtful, observant (what should be the perfect word? @-@) readers, (or is it just me that I'm not good at thinking much -__-) will question these sort of questions. So, I suggest that maybe you can:
-After rereading, ask some questions to yourself about the story.
-Maybe ask a friend to ask what your friend could be wondering.
No?
What else is the reason you could've left it out? If you did it on purposely, why? I might learn something
I THINK I AM DONE. <- A very wise statement.....
Baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! <- So many i's XD
I thought about adding some additional information about the Clown and where it came from, but decided against it on the premise that it would be more interesting to express this specific person's dismay and confusion, as he didnt quite understand what was going on either.
and btw you scare me...
This is a really cool piece my friend!
I liked the note, and the message it contained. It was quite creepy as well, and I think you used description well. The only thing I did pick up on was the fact that it wasn't very informative. I know this isn't a novel, but a short story still has the obligation to provide the reader with a bit more context. What was the clown doing in his house? Why does he know him from birth? Why does the clown not like him, and furthermore kill his family?
I'm not saying these questions have to be answered I'm just saying, a further implication towards the answer would be appreciated. I have the same problem with my short stories, using virtually zero info to the history and background. We can't leave the readers out in the dark.
Other then that, it was an intriguing interesting piece with good imaginary and general creepiness. I hope to hear more from you;
~CM
Thank you for your thoughts!
I thought about adding some additional information about the Clown and where it came from, but decided against it on the premise that it would be more interesting to express this specific person's dismay and confusion, as he didnt quite understand what was going on either.
Thank you for your thoughts!
I thought about adding some additional information about the Clown and where it came from, but decided against it on the premise that it would be more interesting to express this specific person's dismay and confusion, as he didnt quite understand what was going on either.
True, thank you for the reply! You are a talented writer and I hoe to read more if your work.
"Cool piece my friend"
Am i your friend too? :3