Published December 21, 2013
As the clock strikes twelve, I hear the bells sound.
Ding Dong Ding, echoes through my restless mind.
Dreams of drizzly London nights, none around;
To hear my screams and know that I'm not blind.
The sky is black and the moon I can't find,
Fog envelopes the dreary drizzled streets,
No light to be found here of any kind.
Ding Dong Ding, through the London sky like sleet.
I lay on the cold coarse road, needing heat.
Ding Dong Ding, drips rhythmically on me.
My freezing soul feeling wretchedly bleak.
The London fog blurring all I can see.
Light guides me as I drift slowly away,
Ding Dong Ding, I awake to the new day.
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Canary word: Present
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129,569 Literary Works • 671,508 Reviews
Hello, tkpejb back for another review on your wondrous work!
Everything seems to be good with this piece there is just one thing I would like to suggest you change.
I feel like if you used the word wet instead of the word drizzled in this line,
it would sound better because I feel like it is a good alternative to the word and you used drizzly a few lines above it.
This is my favorite line in your poem. It paints a picture in my mind.
Over all this poem is quite good.
Keep writing,
tkpejb
Hi, this is Kman134, and I must say that i find your poem very interesting. I loved how you described the city of London with such eerie details. The details really capture the environment of 19th century London and how depressing the narrator seems to be in this poem. The title was a bit of a clitche but you have to have those once in a while.
Hey there! I really liked this poem,I liked how you described the city with so much detail,and flavor,it really shows that you put a lot of passion and effort into this poem, which I appreciate,I also like you title, it drew me in,and convinced me to read the poem,and I am really glad I did. Brilliant work,keep on writing. I thank you for sharing!
Hi, Jony! I really liked this poem. I loved how you put all that emotions into words- you really did a marvellous job. I also loved how you started and ended this poem. I also loved how you used figurative imagery in places such as this:
"My freezing soul feeling wretchedly bleak."
My favourite lines were these:
"To hear my screams and know that I'm not blind.
The sky is black and the moon I can't find,"
Anway, this was a marvellous poem. Merry Christmas!
- Anshira.
Oh, I just read this is about dreams, sorry about that!
Hmm... now I'm reading it from a completely different perspective... Love the idea of adding London though, really original!
Brilliant rhythm! I can see how you tried hard to make it flow, making each line of 10 syllables and having a set rhyme scheme of ABAB. I think that's what made everything much more effective so well done.
I love how you described the city... I can easily picture London in my mind right now, the 'drizzle', the 'black sky with no moon', the 'fog' or 'light' etc. You did an excellent job and I wanted to mention how I am currently reading a book based in this city and everything you wrote made me think of it.
I think however there is one line which does not correlate to what you wrote before:
'Light guides me as I drift slowly away,'
Did you mean the light from the new day? I'm not sure if the morning light would drag you away rather than bring you back as you are awakening... Don't know if I'm making sense.
Another line is a bit confusing for me:
'Dreams of drizzly London nights, none around;'
So, by that you mean that you are dreaming of drizzling London nights but none seem to come? But then you mention drizzle further on in the poem so I think I am misinterpreting it.
Very nice how you kept repeating the sound from the clock... gave the poem a certain goal or meaning I can;t quite explain it.
Looking forward to reading more poems from you!
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it!