winter time

I agree with all of Mathlete's comments. However, a quiet word of advice. Writing 'I would like at least 10 reviews' is a little off-putting to a reviewer, although I know of course it was a simple request and not done in anyway to sound rude, there are more subtle ways of receiving the help you want.

Now, onto the poem! So I liked this, definite sparks of potential. I have to say I think I like this one the best out of all the work I've read from you, because you kept it simple and went out with the aim of putting your own spin on it. Brilliant, back to basics is what I say. However I would probably change a few things here and there, because in places I think in an effort to try and say what you wanted to say, it didn't quite happen for you.

Winter time

snow clouds float in the air

snow falls gently with lots of care

falling far to reach the cold ground

the wind carries it without a sound

Now, the last sentence has been used a lot in poetry. How could you make this original? Well, I would play around with the concept a little bit, how about

Winter time

snow clouds float in the air

snow falls gently with lots of care

falling far to reach the cold ground

small specks of white, waiting to be found.

Do you understand? Take a different view of what you're writing, use the rhyme scheme as a template, but don't let that take away from your insights.

The ending could have been better, especially the repetition. I would have left the reader wanting more by saying

winter time is here

so let us all cheer

it’s winter time

but beware, spring is near.

Now, of course- those changes are abysmal examples that I used to help get you thinking a bit more outside the box. I hope this helps- and please do PM me with anymore of your works or questions, I'd be more than happy to help.

Eimear

That was pretty good. I didn't especially like your rhyming choices, but that can be really hard to do sometimes. I really liked your repetition at the end, but it definitely needs some more work.
The first stanza doesn't really fit with the others. The first and second lines rhyme, and the third and fourth lines rhyme, while in the other stanzas, all the lines rhyme. Also, the syllable amounts aren't very consistent. Also, you should either capitalize all of the first letters, or leave them all in lower case.
I noticed a few spelling mistakes as well. "Artic" is actually spelled "Arctic". "Ice sickles" isn't technically incorrect, but you could use "Icicles", which would make much more sense. There are some words that I would probably take out as well.

wisemann210 wrote:Winter time

Snow clouds float in the air
Snow falls gently with lots of care
Falling far to reach the [s]cold[/s] ground
The wind carries it without [s]a[/s] sound

Artic air fills the sky
the sharp wind goes by and by
as this happens people ask why
the wind doesn’t answer because it’s [s]so[/s] shy

ice sickles form like tiny [s]transparent[/s] spears
although they can be small and mere
when they drop people will hear
the sound of glass shattering near

winter time is here
So let us all cheer
It’s winter time
It’s winter time

I guess it's just a matter of opinion though, but you might want to make some kind of change that gives it a more definite rhythm.