Published January 24, 2006
Scanning the edibles in massive ' Big Bazaar', I stumbled acroos a most delightful unedible. It was a wallet, looking healthy but lying on the floor untended. At first I couldn't believe my luck. I could identify with Ali Baba when he came across the treasure his ass had led him to. Then, when I picked up the wallet and peeked inside, I could believe my luck.The worthless owner had probably used his wallet as a stock for paper. The apparently healthy wallet had small sheets of paper in it, not the crunchy bank noted I had hoped to see. A lone Rs.10 note peeked up from the rear end of the wallet.
Looking on the bright side, I thought it would not pain me to return the wallet to its owner, thus doing my good turn for the day. The loss of a meagre ten rupees would not hurt me. On second thoughts, I decided that the loss of ten rupees would not hurt the owner very much too. So deciding to transfer the note to my wallet, I put my hand inside my pocket and let out the loudest gasp I've ever heard myself letting out. Having an odd suspicion, I re-opened the wallet to check the owner's name. There could be no mistake, my name stood there in blazing letters and my address followed. That explained the void in my pocket wher the wallet should have been.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this was a short and sweet little story. Not a ton of things happened on here and that's fine if the length is going to be as short as this. It gave a little message at the same time as being a little funny so its just a nice little story that was very easy to understand and read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay that's a decent opening that you have there. Perhaps not the best one but it certainly does a fair job of hooking a potential reader. The one thing I notice is that from "Then" onward you are changing to a separate idea so it might be better if you break that into two separate paragraphs because that would make it flow just a little bit smoother.
First a couple of minor typos.
These should be meager and where.
Besides that I love this plot twist. Its funny and pleasantly surprising to see this man attempting to steal and then realizing that he is stealing from himself. He probably won't ever steal from a fallen wallet again. Maybe.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...overall...well not a lot to say honestly. I think I pretty much covered it above. It flows well, it gives a nice little message and it brings a smile to your face. I don't think you can really expect much more from a simple story. So great job with this piece of writing!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
thats coool, very cool ans intereistng start
I really liked this. It was very ironic. Stories with an ironic twist are always fun to read! That's really cool that you live in India too! Good job!
To help non-Indians, rupees is of course the currency of India with $1 being equal to Rs.45. And Big Bazaar is a huge departmental store in the heart of Kolkata, which happens to be my hometown.