Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
The train shook as it traveled, clogged down by the blood and bones that covered the earth. As I stared at the blackened, dead sky, I felt nothing. I felt no fear for the end of days, no happiness for the end of suffering, and no love for anything left on the decimated face of the ravaged planet. Only nothingness, for I was nothing.
Shrill screams stole my eyes from the sky. I noticed a few children still murdering each other on the endless Red Fields. They swung their massive broadswords pathetically and savagely bit down into each other’s flesh with their engineered, razor sharp teeth. All in the name of war. Wretched, endless war.
“Hm. I thought they would all be dead by now. I forget that you Americans were trained for this.” The Secretary’s gruff voice reflected no emotion as he spoke of the horrors.
The balding, short man felt nothing, as I did. We both knew that emotions became pointless weeks ago. We both refrained from speaking of our meaningless feelings in a tacit agreement of mutual dispassion. The Secretary merely coughed up a bit of blood onto his rancid, tainted handkerchief and downed another glass of “American Wine.” The stuff was horrid; a wicked mix of grain, wood chippings, and piss. We didn’t complain, though. It was the only liquid left.
When the train arrived at the Department station, the Secretary and I jumped to the platform with relative ease. We still felt the scars left from our skirmish with the Democrats, but the bite marks had mostly healed. I steadied the Secretary with the wooden handle of my axe as he wobbled to gain his balance, and then motioned for him to show me the way. He removed his Russian revolver from his pocket, looked both ways, and crossed slowly to the entrance of the Department of Defense.
The inside of the building was in surprisingly good condition: there was one light flickering mercilessly in the distance, the walls were only splattered with some red and blue blood, the dead bodies had already imploded, and the stench of rotten flesh and feces only caused the Secretary to spew his “American Wine” onto the stained floor once.
He led me through the tortuous maze of unmanned security checkpoints and unusable x-ray machines until we found ourselves at a door with a sign taped to the door reading: Immediate Access to Nuclear Weapons and Football.
“Hm. They used tape. That had to have cost hundreds of dead Germans.” The Secretary coughed as he laughed at the thought of a few hundred dead Germans.
He pushed open the door and remained calm as he viewed the carnage. Dozens of dead bodies lined the small room. I noticed the all too familiar uniforms of the Russians, Italians, French, Chinese, and even Phoenicians. The Secretary ignored the bodies and continued on to a door at the end of the hall of decaying flesh.
“Why aren’t the weapons in here?” I asked.
“Do you really think Americans would put power behind an unlocked door?” The Secretary coughed as he scoffed at my ignorance. “It was a ruse to start a battle in the hallways. A sort of… last ditch attempt to forestall the end. I didn’t think it would actually work, but no one is thinking straight nowadays. The weapons are further in, my dear.”
I ignored the Secretary’s condescension and followed him to the door. The Secretary removed a card from his pocket, placed it in front of a strange, red light that appeared beside the door, and turned the knob.
“What was that?” I stared at the peculiar light.
“Just a little something from the old world,” the Secretary said. “Come inside.”
When I stepped through the door, I only gasped because the Secretary did.
As confusing as it was, which makes sense since it's a dream, I found it very interesting. You have a great writing style with vivid word use in which I could picture exactly what you were saying. I only wish you stayed asleep long enough to know why you and the Secretary gasped! I would love to see you continue this piece. I, personally, love stories that start out confusing, but as you read everything starts to make more and more sense. The blood and fear and suspense intrigued me as well!
Very well written piece. Unlike others, I like the confusion of it all. Of course, knowing it is a dream helps, but I think confusion can work too in a novel, providing it slowly comes more clear. It's good to throw the reader right into the thick of something they don't understand. It's unsettling.
I like how dark and gritty it all is, but then again I suppose it would be, being a nightmare. But some nightmares are boring and this isn't. I particularly like how cold and hopeless it all feels, like looking out on the children murdering each other.
This is definitely a powerful story, even if it doesn't really make all that much sense. But, some of the best and most famous pieces are based off of dreams, did you know that? I think you are a fantastic writer and please continue!!
Oh my-
That last line... jeez. That must have been a terrifying nightmare..
This is most certainly a piece of work you could take further and develop, as I'd personally be most intrigued! 
I have absolutely zero improvements to be made and I apologise for that as constructive criticism is good. Sorry again, but fabulous work.
A dark, yet captivating atmosphere. Good work
Loved this. Really good writing from the offset, not a lot of description, but that helped to keep the dream-like setting. I have been subject to these kind of half-nightmares before and I can see where you've added things in to make it make sense, but again, not so much that the nightmare atmosphere is taken away. I just love how original this is, brilliant idea to make a story out of a nightmare! When life gives you lemons...
Also, I think you certainly should make a novel out of this. You've already been given the natural advantage of having a real nightmare at the core, a real deep human fear to base it on. Would be good to know how the world got this way, or who these characters are, or when and why the children where brought in or a million other things.
This will be liked.
I really liked this!
It seems like more a a bad shroom trip than a nightmare (Trust me, been down that road, didn't like it) but this makes it all the more enjoyable. I was somewhat confused at times, but that is to be expected from a piece like this. I really like the descriptions you use, along with the fact that it seems to have a have a deeper meaning to it, the likes of which is open for interpretation. The story has good flow and word use, and honestly I found it very intriguing.
~Cirute
Hi John! Rebel here to review.
I did enjoy this. I really did. You had a nice description; it was easy for me to envision the scene that you were describing.
I have to agree with Bugslake on this. I was confused for about half of the time. I understood that there was a war going on, but what war was it? What nationality were the Secretary and the girl (it didn't seem likely that they were American considering they were breaking into the Department of Defense)? Why where they at the Department? Answering these questions would definitely help me understand your story better-maybe you could turn it into a novel.
You did a nice job on this. Just continue to elaborate on some of the topics, and it could be much better. Keep writing!
I would like a little more detail. It was hard to divers what had happened and what was going on within this piece. However, I did have a dream like this before and it made sense to me, but you yourself have to add more to it to get another being to understand it.
I really like this, honest. It's just that I'm so confused about what's going on. Like why are there dead bodies everywhere? Why do children have broadswords? Who is this secretary guy and why is the girl so important? Just a couple of questions that had developed as I continued reading.
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