Hi JohnKlue,
Mailice here with a short review! 
Here to bump out this story from the Green Room. I think I´ve read already a part of your Network Story. It doesn´t seems like this part is following the main story, but is more like an explanation for the reader? I don´t mind, I liked it. It was strangely fascinating and I had the impression that it was told by a machine.
I think your writing, with the things written in lower case or capitalised, seems a little strange at first glance, but when you look at it more closely, it's not so complicated to follow the text. I thought on the one hand it was a nice addition to the story, but also illogical for a more conservative reader. I have to be honest, I found it annoying at the beginning, but it kind of grew on me to see this mess.
we are not petty terrorist cell or a Civil revolt.
Here is an article missing between “not” and “petty”.
I liked the chapter "Crypto-Soc" very much (so more or less two third of the text.
). I thought it went a little bit into philosophy and I liked how you also start with the fact that it's about control. I get the feeling that Orwell's 1984 was an inspiration for it. I like how it's counterproductive in itself and yet whoever reads it gets the impression that you're using some kind of group psychology to move the individual. It also feels a bit like a propaganda poster and I liked that too.It is difficult to evaluate something like this and to give constructive criticism, especially when it only looks like an excerpt. One thing I can say is that it is not always easy to read out the satire. But I wouldn't change much because it would also alienate the meaning. I think you have to look at your story as a whole to make it truly satire.
Overall it is a quite unique piece of text and I like that it has this uniqueness.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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