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Stuck in your head

by JoeTamez


There was a girl

Her name untold

Stuck in her head

all day long

Thinking

wishing

hoping

things will change

Praying

tomorrow will be better

But, nothing changed for her

She didn't try

so nothing came

don't be like her

take control

Make the change


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117 Reviews


Points: 11781
Reviews: 117

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Sat Dec 05, 2020 9:31 pm
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LUNARGIRL wrote a review...



Hi, I really liked reading your poem even, it was very interesting. I loved how you described the girl, that she her name was untold. To me it is like the girl is a nobody and she just wants to be noticed. That throughout the poem she just hopes someone will notice her, that her life will change. Then she's telling people to not be like her because she never tried to become somebody. Shes telling the reader to stand out and be noticed.

One thing I don't understand in the poem is the very end where you say "3Reply." What is that supposed to mean?

You also could have used some commas in the poem, or just some punctuation is general.
Like right here for example, when you said. You could have put a comma after each word, that's what I would have done. But feel free to not listen to anything I say if you don't want to.
"Thinking
wishing
hoping"

There are also some parts in here where I would also put commas.
"Praying

tomorrow will be better

nothing changed for her

She didnt try

so nothing came

dont be like her

Take Control

Make the change

3Reply."

Overall I really liked your poem and the story you told. It was very powerful and mysterious.
Can't wait to read what you write next.

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL




JoeTamez says...


I had to copy and paste it from where i originally posted it that why it says 3reply, I will fix that <3



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57 Reviews


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Sat Dec 05, 2020 7:41 pm
hannah0528 wrote a review...



Hi! I am going to write a short review here. I loved the mysteriousness and how it makes the reader cling to every word. I think that there were a couple minor grammar mistakes such as "She didnt try" and some capital letters like
Take Control

Make the change
I don't know if those words mean something to you or not. I am not a huge poetry expert, I am used to reading novels so I don't know if it is some poetry thing or not. Anyway, that didn't have an impact on how much I liked it! I hope to hear more from you. Keep writing!


Hannah




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116 Reviews


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Reviews: 116

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Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:39 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Good afternoon/morning/night/midnight and whatever time you are in!
I am here for a quick review. I enjoyed reading this poem, it was mysterious and interesting in both ways. I liked how you describe the girl's name untold.

Here are a few things I noticed.

Praying

tomorrow will be better

nothing changed for her

She didnt try

so nothing came

dont be like her

Take Control

Make the change

3Reply


I suggest you use commas at these parts: "She didn't try" and "don't be like here"
Although it is okay not to use commas if you prefer it that way and that is just your way of writings things in poetry.

Before "nothing changed for her" you should use "yet", "but" or "still" since you are talking about the opposite part, she wished, prayed and hoped but nothing happened.

Lastly, what does "3Reply" at the end mean?

Hope you have a nice day~
Keep on writing!

~ChrisCalaid

Saturday, December 5th, 2020




JoeTamez says...


I had to copy and paste it from where i originally posted it that why it says 3reply, I will fix that <3




uwu
— soundofmind