My beloved enemy

Wow, I think Reise said everything already? So what should I say now? O.o

Well, overall, I liked this piece. It was short and sweet. It didn't really make sense, but that's how love is, right?

I'm gonna write this over with punctuation kept in properly and spelling erros and everything fixed properly. Cause I have nothing else to do. =.=

I put everything in for her. Consciously. And I didn%u2019t care. I didn%u2019t have so much to lose anyway. Initially, only one false love. Later, more and more things were sacrificed because of her. Until I was left with almost nothing to invest. All false friends gone away; my reputation when most false people were about, was destroyed. But that was little compared with that look on a cold January night. That is void compared to feeling that everything is in place when I am with her. I do not believe in soul mates, no... But she was something closest to that, as far as I found. From the first day I met her, I could see her through each mask, no matter how well she was putting them. Maybe that%u2019s our secret. But she was not ready to take the same risk. To her, friends were more important than me. I can%u2019t blame her. Despite her spiritedness, she always had more common sense than me in these difficult emotional situations. That was probably her virtue. Although I don%u2019t think so... "I really think that one day there will be 'us' but not now, understand me. Please." I still remember, every word. If that%u2019s a consolation, at least she felt the same as me. Wherever, with whomever she is, in fact she belongs to me, just like I belong to her... and somewhere deep inside, in the furthest corner of those brown eyes, she knows it. No matter how much we enjoy our little wars, one without the other can not. And she will always remain my beloved enemy...

Just a hint, after the fullstop, hit space one before you start writing. It's disorderly when you read it with no spaces.

Honestly, I can't understand anything in this. XD It's like a big jumbled up mix of feelings and emotions. Try to give it a specific sequence, kay?

Keep at it! I'm sure you'll perfect this!

P.S I don't think the big font at the beginning was necessary.

Hello, Joca! Reise here to review your work. I hope you're satisfied.
#00BF00 ">Corrections
#FF0000 ">Highlights/Removals

First of all the size of this font really bothers me. I don't know how it could be so big, maybe it was an accident or something.

Initially, only one false love.

What, exactly, is a false love? Do you mean something akin to a fling or an one-night stand?

Later, more and more things were sacrificed because of her. Until I was left with almost nothing to invest.

These two sentences should be connected because the second one is incomplete.

All false friends gone away, my reputation when most false people are about, was destroyed.

This part reads weirdly. I think you should re-word this to something more simple, along the lines of "my reputation was destroyed" because it took me reading this line over more than once to actually grasp what you were trying to say.

But that was little compared with that look on a cold January night.

Once again, I think you should connect this sentence with the previous one.

I do not believe in soul mates, no... #FF0000 ">But she was something closest to that, as far as I found.

This "B" should be lowercase.

From #00BF00 ">Since the first day I met her#FF0000 ">, I could see her through each mask, no matter how well she was putting them #00BF00 ">on.

1. This is just a suggestion, but "From" doesn't feel like the correct word to use. It still puts out the same message as 'Since', but the latter flows easier.

2. You do not need this comma here.

3. Complete your statement. I'm assuming this was just a mistake.

That was probably her virtue. Although I don’t think so...

By this does your narrator mean they don't think her ability to retain common sense in emotional times was her greatest virtue? If not, this needs to be re-worded to send the intended message.

"I really think that one day there will be #FF0000 ">“us” but not now, understand me. Please."

Since a character is now speaking a new paragraph needs to be started at the beginning of the quotations. I'm not completely sure about this, but I think that "us" doesn't need quotations around it, instead it needs apostrophes. See this site for further information.

Wherever, with whomever she is #00BF00 ">with, in fact she belongs to me, just like I belong to her...

No matter how much we enjoy our little wars, #FF0000 ">one without the other can not.

Did you mean something along the lines of "one can not live without the other"?

Overall:

This had a good concept, the idea of someone loving another that is not entirely compliant. I liked that. However, I do feel as if your wording made it difficult to understand some parts. Your diction, as well as your syntax, was too complicated and not properly written. Like I said, I actually liked the message here, and with some polishing and re-writing it could be better. Every piece of work can have some sort of improvement.

You developed your characters well, though. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the girl never getting a name. One one hand, the idea of her remaining this anonymous, mysterious figure is fascinating, it could open up the potential for a bigger attachment piece, and keep the readers reading just to solve the mystery of who she is exactly. But, I was hoping for the big reveal of her name at the end and it never came.

All in all, this was good. It wasn't bad, and with some polishing - as is the case with any piece of work - it could be improved.

-RP